Visiting the Ghosts of Relationships Past

Names have been hidden per the request of our interviewees.

Holidays can be a tricky time of the year. Some people are in fresh new relationships, some are celebrating their holidays with their partner of a couple years, and some have never brought anyone home for the holidays. Let me first preface this by saying: none of the options are better or worse than the other. They are all correct for the time and place you are at in your life. This brings me to visiting some ghosts from relationships past. 

First up is our past. “Past” is someone who leads this narrative from still grieving from their past relationship struggles. 

HerCampus (HC): How is it being single in college, does it feel “on brand” or do you feel like you’re missing out? What is it that makes you fearful of a relationship?

PAST: Sometimes it feels as though I’m exactly where I need to be in life, other times it feels like there is something wrong with me. I would look around me and see all my friends in happy, healthy and loving relationships, and question why couldn’t that be me? It used to feel as though I was missing out, but then it became more of “it just isn’t my time yet.” I do think I am still dealing with some things from past relationships. That makes me a bit concerned, but then again, I’m not sure there will ever be a day that I’m one hundred percent ready. I try not to focus on it too much. I am happy with where I am now and that’s what’s most important to me.

Next up is our present. “Present” gives us a description of what being in a relationship feels like, an insight into the beauty and struggles of making a relationship work. 

HC: What part of being in a relationship makes it worth it for you? And what advice would you give to people who are single, on the outside looking into relationships?

PRESENT: For the first question: having somebody that you can depend on every second of every day, and will be on your side no matter what. For the second question: don’t feel like you have to be in a relationship to be happy, wait for the right situation, and don’t force yourself into a bad relationship just because you feel like you need one. A significant other will fall into your life when it is the right time, I promise! Forcing a relationship causes too many issues. Also, cannot emphasize communication enough, if you can’t tell your partner what the issue is and if your partner can’t recognize why you feel that way and offer compromises, then that’s an issue ma’am. Even if you don’t agree with why they’re upset, listen and see from their point of view why it’s upsetting them.

Lastly, is our future. “Future” is someone recently out of a long-term relationship, but far enough out where they are able to reflect on it. 

HC: What was one of the biggest lessons your last relationship taught you? And what have you learned about yourself that you might take into your next one?

FUTURE: One of the biggest lessons in my last relationship was that I can kind of lose myself very easily. I get so sucked into the idea of throwing myself into the time I may have with the other person, that when the chance arises to be with that person and hang out with them, I will jump at it even if I have my own things to do. That will probably be something I’ll bring into my next relationship; I have to focus on myself a bit more and make sure to not lose myself now that I know it is easy for me to. I think in order to do that I have to really be ok with being by myself and focusing on myself before jumping into a relationship.

All are important aspects to go through, I want to thank all three parties for participating in this piece. As far as where you will be this holiday season, give yourself some patience and enjoy the state you’re in now, regardless of how it’s categorized.

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