It’s become something of a tradition (is it pretentious of me to call something that I’m doing for the third time a “tradition?”) for me to review the fashion at award shows whenever one is happening around the time that I’m writing an article, so…that’s what’s happening right now. So let’s review some Academy of Country Music Awards fashion, shall we?
Taylor Swift
If I’m being honest, this outfit of TSwift’s was the whole reason I chose this topic because AY, MAMI! Everything about this outfit is perfect, and it almost makes me forget that she’s a pop star that absolutely sweeps all the awards at country award shows. Almost.
Kacey Musgraves
I feel so bad for this girl. Like, did her stylist look at this dress and think, “Yep, this is the one”? I’m mad for her.
Danielle Bradbery
Danielle seems like such a sweetheart (I didn’t watch The Voice, and I’ve never seen or read any of her interviews, so I’m going purely off looks, here. You know what they say, always judge a book by its cover!) I just want to be best friends and share closets with her (Girl, I have over 25 hooded sweatshirts, so I will hook you UP).
The Band Perry
Okay, Kimberly’s makeup/hair/dress are always amazing and perfect, but can we please focus on her brothers for a second? I’ve mentioned before how the brothers’ general facial areas make me pretty uncomfortable, and I’ve finally figured out why! They look like they stepped right out of the Madame Tussauds wax museum, and to illustrate my point, I’ve Photoshopped Ken doll faces over both of their own faces, and there is literally no discernable difference.
Miranda Lambert
I have nothing to say except that Miranda has never looked better. Get it, girrrrl!
Now, if you’ve read my previous award show fashion reviews, you might have noticed a reoccurring trend of me being disappointed with the lack of variety in men’s formal wear. Well, I begged the men to get more creative with their outfits, and they definitely listened…and let’s just say that I’ve never regretted anything more in my life, including the time that I told my mom that I felt well enough to go to TJ Maxx with her, and then proceeded to throw up in the aisle of said TJ Maxx. Anyway, let’s just get into it.
Frankie Ballard
Listen, sir. I don’t know who you are, but your outfit has disrespected my eyes. I can’t un-see this. DO YOU THINK THIS IS SOME KIND OF JOKE, FRANKIE?
Jake Owen
People are calling Jake’s choice of a red suit a “bold statement,” and I’m assuming they’re saying he’s bold for wearing such an ugly suit. The only reason I can think of for why he would choose this color is that he was on the run from a crazy stalker-fan, and he wanted to make sure that he could get away from her at any moment by dropping down onto the red carpet, thus camouflaging himself.
Florida Georgia Line
Somebody call a mechanic, because we’ve got a couple of tools right here! *pauses for uproarious applause and laughter* Seriously, never trust white boys wearing 1) rings on every finger, 2) wallet chains, or 3) silk shirts.
Guy Fieri
If you’ve ever wondered if anybody makes camouflage suit jackets, wonder no more. You can probably find them where they sell all of those bowling shirts with flames on them that Guy seems to be so fond of (aka Sears).
Brantley Gilbert
From this picture alone, I count at least… 13 jewelry items? Enough is enough, man. #StopBrantley2014
After looking through the fashion from the 2014 ACMAs, I can say that I’m now about 3000% more confident in my own fashion choices. I’m going to start carrying around pictures of Brantley Gilbert’s award show outfits, so when I feel like people are judging me for wearing workout clothes to class for the third day in a row, I can just flash them my man Brant’s outfit and be like, “yeah, it could be a lot worse.”
Aside from a few diamonds in the rough, the overall fashion from this show was pretty horrendous, which is why I’m giving the 2014 ACMAs fashion 1 ½ donuts out of 5.