Okay, I know what you’re probably thinking: “Really Sydney, child leashes? Are you not telling us something? Are you stashing a dorm baby under that extra-long twin bed of yours? Is your mini fridge stocked with baby formula instead of the standard freshman fare of hot pockets and leftovers?” Well first of all, how dare you.
Second off, my topic this week came to me from a comment made by a certain soon-to-be-daddy that I know (*cough* my brother *cough*) about how he would definitely be investing in a child leash. So I’m going to break down for you the pros and cons of leashing your youngsters.
Child leashes, or “child safety harnesses” as the parents in deep, deep denial like to call them, are meant to keep your boogery little rascals close to you while still giving them room to roam, and feel a sense of (imagined) freedom. Mommy bloggers all over the web praise this invention, claiming that they wouldn’t be able to handle their 2+ toddlers without the restraints. To which every mother in the world prior to 2010 replied, “Yeah. I just told my kids not to run into the street and stuff…and so they didn’t.” A lot of people I know trust their dogs enough to let them go leash-less. Just sayin’.
As you can see, this boy has been leashed for so long that he actually believes he’s a dog now. Tragic.
In all honesty though, things like child harnesses are a personal decision, and you reserve the right to decide if you want to use a child leash or not. Just like I reserve the right to run up to any chained kids and cut them loose while yelling, “BE FREE, MY CHILD!”
And because I’m (obviously) just a third person with no personal interest in the matter, here are some of the pros to tricking your kids into believing that that monkey backpack you got them wasn’t just a way for you to keep them under control.
- You can use pet-walking services in lieu of babysitting services, which might save you money (keep in mind that I have no idea what either service typically costs, so this could be totally off base).
- You can take your kid to the dog park and show up all those other dumb dogs’ tricks with all the cool stuff your kid can do. Really? Your dog can play dead? Well my kid can almost accurately count to five, so take that!
- You can feel like a celebrity because when people see you and your dog-child, they will almost definitely be staring and snappin’ pics. Can you say #instafamous?
There you go! All in all, I’m going to have to give child leashes 2 out of 5 donuts. Given the general tone of my article, this may surprise you, but I laughed for a good hour while searching the internet for leashed kids, and that merits at least a 2.
If you have any comments or suggestions for what you’d like me to consider next time, you can tweet me (@sydschaefer)! Stay classy, Tallahassee.