If you’re anything like me, you’ve had a dark void in your life since “Friday” by Rebecca Black came out two years ago. She completely changed the music game for me, and I haven’t been able to find a song that could measure up since. Well, my long search is finally over. Patrice Wilson, the writer of “Friday” has struck gold once again with his new song, “Chinese Food,” which is about—you guessed it—Chinese food.
At the time that I’m writing this, “Chinese Food” is three days old and has garnered over 7 million views (*cough* and 87 thousand dislikes *cough*). At the rate it’s going, it looks like Alison Gold is heading toward Rebecca Black-esque star status.
Many hear the lyrics of Gold’s song and think that they’re meaningless and silly, but that’s just because they don’t understand that the lyrics of the song are laced with hidden meaning and subliminal messages. Most people just don’t pick up on it the first time they hear it. “Chinese Food” isn’t about fried rice, noodles, or chow mu-mu-mu-mu-mein. I’ll help you out and break down the true messages of the video:
1. Child Labor
The video starts off strong by reminding us that child labor is still a major issue in the world today. That super cute bag you bought off Ebay for ten bucks? Yeah, that was made by children, you monster. Look at this girl. Her mouth says, “Thanks, have a nice day,” but her eyes say, “Help me.” Whoever forced her to work at this Chinese restaurant probably also forced her to wear a sheer top with a neon bra, which is demeaning and tacky.
2. American Greed
This girl weighs 70 pounds, tops. There is no way she could ever finish all of that food by herself, and that’s the point. They’re hinting at the fact that Americans always want more and more and more, and that our material things will never truly satisfy us. That’s some pretty deep stuff for an 11-year-old.
3. Culture Appropriation
Here, Gold & Co. adorn themselves with clothes typically worn by geishas (which are Japanese, but that’s not really the point I’m getting at) to show that adopting another culture’s traditional customs into your own for fun is wrong. Look at that panda in the back. His dour expression and body language says it all.
4. Failure of American Education System
Can you read any of the subtitles running along the bottom on this video? Can you even identify any of the languages? Yeah, me either. On average kids in other countries can speak between 2 and 5 languages. I can barely speak English. The American education system has failed us all, and it was the video’s intention to point that out to us.
Aside from the socio-political undertones of the music video, I can honestly say that I’ve never related to a song’s lyrics more than I do to this one. Just as Gold sings, “Chinese food takes away my stress.” I didn’t even know how much I needed this song in my life until I heard it. She took what all of us think every time we order Chinese food and put music to it. I like writer Patrice Wilson’s literal lyricism, and want to jot down a few song titles I’ve come up with that I think he could turn into hits, in case he ever stumbles upon this article:
- Where Is My Other Sock?
- Ryan Gosling is Beautiful (Obviously)
- I Haven’t Worn My Retainer in Four Years
- Eating Peanut Butter Out of the Jar With a Spoon
- Florida is Always Hot
- Why Do the Middle of Hot Pockets Never Get Hot
(hit me up on twitter if you’re interested, Wilson)
Okay, in case you haven’t guessed yet…I’m joking. This isn’t song is just as bad as “Friday,” and it’s actually extremely racist. I am, however, going to give “Chinese Food” five out of five donuts because I don’t want to add any more emotional trauma to this girl’s life than she’s already getting and is going to continue getting. She’ll probably never enjoy Chinese food again, poor girl.
As always, remember to tweet me (@sydschaefer) any comments or suggestions about what I should consider next week. Until next time, stay classy Tallahassee.