There is no such thing as a break. I’ll say it again for the people in the back: there is no such thing as a break. It simply does not exist. For breakdown purposes, here are five things that can enlighten you as to why Ross and Rachel (Friends) were so confused and why I, too, was in a tizzy.
1. First of all: you cannot pause a relationship.
You cannot put a pause on loving someone or on a relationship. Platonic or romantic, no matter the time span; it could be two months or two years! We are not built to pause anything other than music and the television. A “break” implies that things just pause for a second—except they can’t!
When we build relationships and connect emotions and memories to people, that can’t just stop! When someone is a part of your life, they are until they are not, simple as that. And even then, in some form, they still are a part of you. Love especially is one of those clouds that hang around forever. There are always going to be the memories of that person, in your head or in your heart, wherever you believe they exist; that will always be there. Once you move past whatever heartbreak you endured, your mind and your body will always have the ability to remember what that specific love felt like. There is no pausing feelings as strong as love.
2. It is about removing the road signs; no more directions.
A break is a time period where each party has a free-for-all for thoughts. For the relationship to move forward, whether that be to stay or head separate ways, a decision has to be made. The pressure of making the decision together is taken off. Each needs their own time to really decide; without the influence of the history and memories, what is authentically left over? When the other person is removed, even briefly, what feelings are still there? And what comes next? It is open roads. Each can think, feel, and decide what is best for them personally. To stay or say goodbye.
3. A break is essentially a breakup—but don’t be scared.
The thing is, there also is not the choice to “stay,” and since there is no pause, that must mean one thing: it is an end. If a break happens, the relationship that once existed, exists no longer. This sounds scary, but it is not so scary. If a couple chooses to get back together, if that is what is truly best, it is a new relationship. The two people have a different perspective on what the other means to them. And that is precisely the point of a break. If the couple was headed back into the same relationship, it would eventually end again, and the cycle would repeat—if you can catch my drift.
4. It is more of a relationship paleontologist’s job.
For the decision to be made, each individual has to do some serious love digging. After digging through the flaws, the issues, the honeymoon phase and diving right back to when they met, the couple has to decide which way the next relationship they share heads. They need to think about why the break was necessary, what issues are work-out-able, and maybe which ones might be deal-breakers. For some, that may need to conclude in a true breakup. The choice is not love, but instead a lesson. The time and point of that person in their life is up. After digging up all of the past and present feelings, they simply need to move on—not necessarily a bad thing or a thing to be scared of at all. It just is.
On the other hand, there is a rekindling. The love that was almost stomped out is chosen again. After digging, the left-over feelings and scraps of emotions all point in one direction, that being together is just right.
5. It is for phoenixes.
I believe, if a couple decides to get back together, the flame is then stronger. A relationship after a “break” is a fresh start. The two individuals in the relationship from the past are broken up. But, like a phoenix, out from the ashes, two new people choosing love arise. A new relationship begins. It is stronger, a bit more jaded, but more definitive than before.
Sometimes a “break” is needed, necessary and vital to a relationship. No matter how challenging it might be, it might just be inevitable. And that is okay. The lovebirds involved have a deeper compassion and connection than before. They had to endure being without their person in order to end back up in their arms. And if you can recover after a “break,” you can recover from anything. Through thick and thin. Love always wins.
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