Why Applying To Internships Is Similar To Dating

To all companies: Please don’t be that mean boy we’re all emotionally scarred from. Call us back. Accept us. Give us the internship. We’re damn good people!…Okay? Pretty please.

Ever since I was younger, I learned that human nature is all about “the chase,” “the challenge,” “a good ol’ game of cat and mouse,” whatever you want to call it. Humans, I gather, just love to be tested on things that they can’t have, just to see if they can have it, but then they crave more. Human nature is a drug, and all of us are its addicted slaves.

We don’t realize it until we are in college and our mothers say, “when are you going to start liking the guys that like you back?”

No.

Scratch that.

We don’t realize it until we are in college applying to internships and our mothers say, “Keep calling them! Show how eager you are! PERSISTENCE.” And we just stare blankly at our list of companies that we applied to wondering why it has to be so challenging.

It’s definitely internship application season, and I’ve come to realize that applying for a job in “the real world” is quite similar to liking that hot boy in chemistry class that won’t pay any attention to you.

First, it begins with the seek out. You look for all the qualities that interests you. Matching what your qualifications are, you start to calculate ways in which you will be benefitted. Is this a waste of time? You wonder. Is this going to be long term? Or should I just kick it to the curb now? Then you realize, this could be your shot. Just go for it. Make your move.

Second, it’s the game of little white lies and bragging. You want to show this person how they cannot go on without you. You will be their biggest asset, and they just need to open their eyes wide enough to see that. So, you create an aesthetic that showcases your flawless positives, and you sweep your slight negatives into your closet of skeletons. Once you get a little comfortable around them is when you can slowly release the kraken. Hit send and hope the signals are received.

Third, It’s the waiting game. You begin to fantasize what it would be like being happy at a different stage in your life. You imagine things progressing and have already conjured up a whole different world in your head. You stare at the phone. Silence. You check your e-mails. “Inbox Empty.” You even scroll through your texts. Maybe his hands got cut off? Yes, that’s it. All of, his electronics must have fell in a ditch also, so there’s no way he can contact me…fuck. Insecurity strikes.

Fourth, it’s time to take initiative. Why should you wait around for them? You can’t sleep at night. You want them and you’re hoping they want you, so why not be the one to just call them first? You’re a big girl now, they said. Just make the call, they said. After picking up the phone and staring at your screen for five minutes, you dial the number. “Hi, uh…This is *insert name here*.” Shit. Who is ‘they’ and why did you listen?!

“Oh, hi! Yes, everything was received.”

“Oh…uh…okay.” So now what? Am I just supposed to sit here counting all the strands of hair on my arm? Because that’s where my watch is supposed to go, and I can’t stare at a clock all day! He’s playing games. You decide to be the big cat and chase the mouse. Chasing is what you’re good at. You chase all your shots with beer. That’s what they mean right?

Fifth, the first date. They finally called you! Ugh, took long enough. They just wanted to build the suspense. You know, they can’t seem too available, right? So, you put on your best dressed outfit, straighten your hair, put on some make-up, wear closed toed shoes and keep yourself lookin’ nice and clean cut. It’s putting your best foot forward. You’re on cloud nine. With sweaty palms, you take a nice stride into the room. This is the first time you guys are finally alone, face-to-face.

During your time together, you begin to feel like you’re in the hot seat. No, literally, your ass is sweating from nerves. I hope it’s not noticeable. You start making miniscule things that you’ve done in your life a huge deal, just so you seem more interesting than you believe you actually are. Next thing you know, you’re putting on an embellished façade of who you are, and you feel like he’s totally buying it.

When you leave the date, the insecurity washes over you…again. Did he like me? Will he call me again? Fuck, why do I care so much? I want this. I need this. Does he want me?

Sixth, the results are in. *Ring, ring*. Look who’s the lucky girl to get another phone call. That’s right, girlfriend, you are! “Hello!” Your heart skips a beat.

“Hi…uh, sorry, but I want someone else.”

Rejection. Are you kidding me?! Was I not good enough?!

Seventh, the vicious cycle begins again. You hear your mother scream “PERSISTENCE IS KEY!” In your mind as you stare blankly at our list of companies that you applied to wondering why it has to be so challenging. Hey, they say the seventh sign of grieving is “acceptance and hope.”

And remember, even though you want to be the mouse in most cases, being the cat is fun. At the end of the day, the mouse gets eaten by the cat.

• Adulthood
• FSU
• internships
• job
• relationship