As women, we deal with a lot in the bedroom. One of the most infuriating and hurtful things that I have personally come across is the Head-Pusher: A partner that suggests it’s time for you to start performing oral sex by silently pushing your head towards their junk. While most of us have probably encountered this action and not given it much thought, I urge you to take notice and to really examine how it makes you feel.
If you are reading this and saying “Mira, I dunno, the head push isn’t that big of a deal.” consider how you would react if you were just hanging out eating lunch with a friend and that friend suddenly pushed your head towards your plate of food without saying a word. I don’t know about you, but my reaction would be somewhere along the lines of, “WTF, Tiffany?! My quinoa salad looks delicious, but I’ll take a bite when I’m damn well good and ready!” Needless to say, the remainder of that friendly little lunch would be awkward at best.
In order to confront a head-pusher, you must first understand the head-pusher. All Mr. Miyagi talk aside, the truth is that men don’t instinctually feel a need to physically force their partner’s heads into their downstairs mix-up. They obviously learned this behavior where they learn all other violent sexual behaviors — porn. Porn sets an incredibly unrealistic standard for sexual decorum, in that there is no real conversation about what each partner desires or is comfortable with in the bedroom.
My best advice is to confront a head-pusher head-on— pun wayyyy too intended. If you are confronted with a silent push towards the nether regions, speak up. Ask the head-pusher what they are doing or why they are doing it. Most men have never been asked to explain this kind of harmful action, especially not when they’re naked. The best way to change this kind of behavior is to make men look at why they are doing it. Let’s face it, if a guy thinks it’s “too awkward” to look you in the eye and ask for cunnilingus, he simply doesn’t deserve it.
I urge any head-pushers reading this to take any shame you feel and channel it into some real action. Instead of being a head-pusher, I wish to foster a group of a head-ponderers. (Yes, this is a term I coined just now!) Instead of pushing your partner’s head, ponder the needs and desires that lie within that sexy head.
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