1. Dear Her, friendships: How do I choose the right people? There is no perfect formula for choosing a friend. Somethings to ask yourself are: Do y’all have things in common? This goes beyond favorite color, music, etc. It’s more about do y’all have the same moral compass. Does your friend have different political views? Can you accept that? Are they tolerant of things you feel are important? Do you feel they give you the support you need? And vice versa? If you feel they wronged you do you feel safe and comfortable enough to express your feelings? Do you think they will respond positively?
2. Dear Her, what are some self-care ideas for when you’re feeling overwhelmed with classwork? People say this all the time but there’s nothing as important to self-care as sleep. Organize your daily schedule in a way that prioritizes getting a healthy amount of sleep. Another thing I recommend is finding hobbies unrelated to your academics that you enjoy. Also, try to do something at least once a week to treat yourself– whether that be doing face masks while binging something on Netflix or going out for coffee with friends. Just do something that makes you feel good and doesn’t center around classwork.
3. Dear Her, what are some helpful tips for studying for a big exam? The most important thing to do is to not only study the day before or even the week of. Try to develop a studying schedule for the content you’re covering and stick to it. Another helpful tip is chunking the materials you need to cover into blocks of study time. I’d also recommend creating a study group to keep you committed to maintaining this study schedule. Quiz yourself regularly and try to find opportunities to explain content you’re learning to other people; it improves your own memory and understanding of the content when you do these things.
4. Dear Her, my friend was dating my brother, but then she cheated on him with a guy I was seeing. Advice? I’m going to very bluntly say that’s not your friend. She disrespected your brother and the relationship you had with the guy you were seeing. Anyone who does something like that doesn’t deserve to be in your life, so I’d personally recommend cutting her out of your life. It’s important to establish and assert boundaries within all of your relationships and this person has chosen to disrespect those.
5. Dear Her, my ex won’t leave me alone and he keeps trying to make me feel bad for not wanting a situationship. Advice? I went through a similar situation with my ex. When someone is making you feel bad and draining your energy, the best thing to do is to stop giving them access. Block them on everything, ignore them in person. I know it’s way harder said than done especially if you love
them, miss them and feel connected to them but when you can make it past that you will finally feel like you can breathe.
10. Dear Her, how do I tell a guy I like him? He doesn’t even know that I exist. You could just shoot your shot and directly approach him with your feelings but most people have a hard time being that forward. I think the best way to approach this is to try to get him to notice you in small ways; saying hi, then working up to small talk, then get into talking about things you have in common, and just keep building from there until you’ve reached a point where you feel comfortable telling him how you feel. Starting small and working your way up makes him aware of your existence and gives you the chance to get to know him before throwing yourself into things. You could also do the typical liking of three Instagram pictures and see if he likes some of your pictures back. If he does, send him a message about something funny or a picture you liked! Even if he doesn’t, start small and see where it goes.
11. Dear Her, what’s the best way to break up with someone? Be upfront and honest! Rip the bandaid off! Feelings are bound to be hurt but laying it out on the table is necessary. You are not obligated to explain why, nor are you obligated to make them feel better after the fact but just make sure however you go about it, you’re able to sleep peacefully at night.
12. Dear Her, any advice for balancing a relationship with a hard course load? The other person does not go to school here. This is one of the hardest things to balance in my opinion. You want to have good grades but you also don’t want to neglect your significant other and not spend time with them especially when they might not have as hectic of a schedule as you. The best way to balance is to make a calendar. Be more organized about where you can spend your time that way you can inform your partner what you have going on so you can only hang out at certain times. If they cannot respect that then maybe a different conversation needs to be had.