The Time My Body Was on Fire

This semester feels like one hurdle after the next, with no chance to catch a breath. Incessant rain and grey clouds constantly hover above our campus, marking the beginning of spring and the end of winter. 

Oddly enough, the drab weather reminds me of a time where I wasn’t lucky enough to feel these cold, unforgiving raindrops on my skin. It was during the fall semester of my sophomore year that I was diagnosed with a chronic pain illness: fibromyalgia. It was the most unexpected 15th birthday gift, and one that I never could have imagined. 

The Beginning:

I can vividly recall the morning I felt a numbing, foreign pain in my legs as I stumbled over to my parents’ room. They let me stay home that school day, but little did we know that day would be one of countless that I would miss. Without any warning, the pain rapidly took hold of my joints and turned into a constant burning sensation, which lingered in my bones whenever my body came in contact with anyone else. The gentle bear hugs my dad would give me turned into debilitating attacks that left me reeling. My mom’s soft hands, which used to caress my face, felt like claws cutting into my skin. I didn’t feel like a living person anymore, just a shell of somebody trying to protect the inside from the pain. 

The uncertainty of it all was the most disconcerting part. Once the word “chronic” was echoed in a doctor’s office, time began to feel unimportant and nonexistent. I began preparing myself for a lifetime of the unknown. 

The Middle:

Sophomore year came and went and junior year began with a flicker of hope in its wake. Despite the hardships of dealing with fibromyalgia, it was teaching me one of the most important lessons I would carry with me for the rest of my life: resilience and discipline will take you to unforeseen heights nothing in life makes sense, and when all else fails. 

I spent countless nights self-teaching material taught in class on days where I couldn’t stand for more than ten minutes. My teachers were patient with me through it all and I had the chance to see how impactful teachers can be on young people’s lives- particularly mine. My 16th birthday was still shrouded in darkness, but a year in which my personal growth felt boundless and expansive had gone by.

The End:

I travelled to Colombia right before my senior year to visit my family, but I also had a mission: to see my childhood doctor to get to the bottom of my illness. After one consultation with him, I found out that an underlying pancreas issue was the catalyst for my joint pain. We decided to undergo a stem cell treatment to improve insulin production, which could help because those with fibromyalgia can sometimes have elevated blood sugar and resistance to insulin. I began a dairy-free, low-sugar diet and about a month after the stem cell treatment, my joint pain was gone and I felt like I could begin life again. Senior year looked promising and my 17th birthday felt like the turning of one page into a beautiful new chapter. 

Now:

Now that I’m in college and those days of pain are long gone, I think of how lucky I am to have my health. I won’t say I keep up with my diet every day, but I’m more in tune with my body than ever before. As I navigate through stressful exam periods and college healthcare and trying times in a new, competitive environment, I try to remember what’s most important in my life. I’m grateful I can hug my friends and family and walk around campus at night with no plan in mind; the freedom of not remembering what pain feels like is the most cherished gift I have.

• college
• fibromyalgia
• health
• pain
• wellness