People assume that I love writing papers simply because I’m an English major. Don’t get me wrong—I love my major, and I get really enthusiastic when I get to write about topics I’m interested in, BUT I’m definitely not always interested in some topics I have to write about. And truthfully, even if I love my topic, formulating all of my ideas into actual sentences isn’t always easy.
When writing a paper, there are a few stages that a majority of people (English majors and non-majors alike) go through.
1. Tell yourself that you don’t have to start your paper right away. It can wait. It’s not due for another two weeks.
2. Try to figure out which prompt interests you the most so it will be the easiest for you to write.
3. Continue putting off the essay—you have other classes and other assignments! It’s okay. It’ll get done…eventually.
4. Realize you should actually start writing since the paper is due in three days. Time to pick a topic!
5. Stare at your header in an attempt to write a cohesive thesis.
6. Think harder. You know words!! (Kinda.)
7. Finally get your thesis written. Feel really proud of yourself. It’s decently worded for a last minute thesis!
8. Make a concept map because you remember that they can help you organize your paper. Plus, the paper will pretty much write itself after that! Why were you worrying in the first place? You’re practically a superhero. This will be a breeze.
9. Curse whoever told you that a concept map will help the paper write itself because you’re still staring at your header.
10. Eventually get some words written down. You’re halfway through your page count. It feels like you can do anything!
11. Drink excessive amounts of caffeine in order to keep the momentum going. You don’t want to be distracted since you’re finally getting work done!
12. Reach the point of the paper where you don’t know what else to say. Begin to panic. This is when feelings of remorse set in, and you contemplate dropping out of school since you can’t even finish a six-page paper about the poetic style of Allen Ginsberg.
13. Cry while you attempt to just write down whatever you can think of and hope it makes sense.
14. Procrastinate the conclusion since everyone knows that’s the hardest part of writing an essay.
15. Read through your paper. Realize that you’ve repeated a bunch of words and half of your sentences don’t make any sense.
16. Go back to your conclusion with a carefree attitude. At this point, you’re just ready to wash your hands clean of this mess.
17. Turn paper in and breathe a sigh of relief. You hope that you get an A, but you know that you’d settle with a B.