what is the ‘nice guy complex’?
The nice guy complex is a mindset that some men have in which they hide behind their performative kindness to try to justify the entitlement they feel towards women. Those with this complex say phrases such as ‘nice guys finish last’ or ‘why do girls always go after guys that treat them badly?’. Rather than treating women with respect, these kinds of men use their so-called kindness to convince women to lower their guard and realize that he is the right guy, even though he was dishonest and only used his kindness to manipulate women. This type of guy is not legitimately nice, because if he was he wouldn’t feel the need to bring it up all the time. Nice people don’t need to prove that they are nice, they simply just are.
Taking advantage of emotional vulnerability
When you’ve caught the attention of someone with a nice guy complex, he will want to be your shoulder to cry on. He may insert himself in conversations about your emotions and try to be caring, but there is nothing genuine about his kindness. The kindness of a so-called ‘nice guy’ is a thin veil that hides his true desire just to get close to you by any means necessary regardless of how you feel. This can lead to you feeling used and uncomfortable because someone that you did not trust or have that bond with has seen you in an emotionally vulnerable spot and decided that they were the person that needed to help you. When you are in this vulnerable state, they should be asking what you need to feel comforted instead of inserting themselves into your moment uninvited. When someone puts themselves in a spot to help you with no real desire to care for your needs, you need to remind yourself that it’s not your fault. You were not in a healthy spot, and someone wanted to take advantage of that. He is not a nice guy, and you don’t owe him anything because he decided to cross your boundaries while you were not in a healthy state of mind. There is no need to blame yourself for the insincere actions of someone else.
Gives unsolicited advice to only benefit himself
The self-proclaimed nice guy can disguise himself as a friend and use this role to feed you information and advice that is not genuine and is really meant to boost him up. If you were to bring up a guy that wasn’t them, they would tell you that he isn’t good for you and start describing what you should look for in a guy which happens to be a description of them. They will tell you how you deserve to be treated, but they base it on what they think you are worth. If you tell them about your high standards, they will try to tell you that the person you’re looking for does not exist and that you should look for something else. They have no desire to actually treat you well, they just want to claim that they are different and manipulate you to not know your value so that you’ll lower your standards far enough for them to have a chance.
Getting genuine advice during challenging times can be difficult, especially when someone who is trying to give it does not have your best interest at heart. Listen to your gut feeling on if you feel the person talking to you has your best interest at heart or if they are just trying to get something out of you. Make sure that you only take to heart opinions from people you are comfortable with and that you understand their motives before listening. Not every guy is going to have toxic motives, but going to someone you know you can trust in these situations is best for receiving genuine advice.