I feel like every time I open my Instagram feed, I’m left feeling confused and inadequate. On one hand, there are the chic girl bosses, living their corporate, goal-oriented lives. On the other hand, there are the committed homemakers with the warmth of homemade items, spontaneous day outings with the kids, and a return to simpler times. As I scroll, it feels like an endless cycle of wishing I fit into a category, only to realize I don’t want one or the other. I want a combination. I want to be able to do well in my career field and still have a slower-paced family life. Yet there is a societal push to believe the two cannot coexist. This notion, of it being impossible to be both working and engaged with their family, is an idea that insists family gets in the way of a career or a career gets in the way of a family. This extreme mindset could be applied to any number of the ideological lifestyles trending at the moment, but these two in my opinion seem to be the most at odds with each other.
There is nothing wrong with being a career-oriented woman, just like there is nothing wrong with being a home-oriented woman. I think the problem comes in when we start saying things like, “The highest calling a woman can have is to be a mother.” While I have the utmost respect for all the women out there who truly and entirely dedicate themselves to their families, that doesn’t mean it is all they can contribute or that there is anything wrong with other callings. This does nothing but put down those who can not have kids or simply choose not to for any number of valid personal reasons. Equally upsetting is the way it belittles the women who must work in order to simply provide for their family—does that make them less of a successful mother? The other side is equally harmful: the ideology that having a family ends a woman’s individuality and ability to create and invigorate the world outside of her home.Â
What I believe needs to stop is this narrow measure of success that seems to be trending. These two cultures seem to be fighting for the title of the “correct” ideology when, in reality, each one needs to progress as a society. We need people who want to solely focus on advancing society through careers in things like business, medicine, economics, or literally anything else. We also need those women who feel passionate about caring for and nurturing their kids, raising up the next generation, volunteering in schools, and assisting those in need. Beyond that, we need to teach future girls that it is ok to do both whether out of desire or out of necessity.Â
You are not failing at your career if you have a family or need to take a day off to care for yourself. Just like you are not failing as a mother if you have a job, friends, or other personal aspirations. We as women were created for more than to fit an aesthetic. Life is fluid, and the true measure of being a successful woman is living a life that fulfills your beliefs and dreams. For those of you who have been told those dreams aren’t enough, don’t stop reaching for them. As college women, we approach the decision about our future, where people tell us that we have to choose which to focus on, whether a successful career or the security of a family, and know that success in these things does not determine whether your life is a success. Only you striving for what you’re truly meant for will do that. Don’t be afraid to draw a big picture that includes each piece of your dream. Go out into your life, working as hard as you can to achieve it, and I think you’ll be amazed at how beautiful the life that dream has grown into can be.Â