I recently saw a thought-provoking TikTok video by a user who recasted all of the characters from the new Nosferatu adaptation as muppets, leaving Willem Dafoe as the only human being. Although I can no longer find this amazing gem, it lives on in my heart and leaves me to wonder about other movies that should be made into complete muppet movies like my favorite Christmas movie, The Muppet Christmas Carol. Without further ado, here is my thought process as it lies hanging by a mere thread on a Muppet version of The Lord of the Rings.
Choosing Frodo was relatively easy because all I needed to do was think of a character that was slightly strange and a bit of an outcast. This left Gonzo to mind seeing as he’s called a furry, blue whatever, and nobody actually knows what he is or where he comes from (at least, until Muppets From Space). Casting Sam was then remarkably easy as well since Gonzo’s best friend is Rizzo the Rat. I think this may be a controversial choice because Samwise Gamgee is notoriously kind and possibly the real hero of the franchise, whereas Rizzo is pessimistic and slightly selfish and could be tricked by Sauron over a bag of jelly beans. I still think Rizzo is the best choice however, because he shows a clear love and appreciation for Gonzo over the time they have hosted a movie, been roommates, and even partners in Muppet Treasure Island.
The best choice for Aragorn would be Kermit the Frog, as Kermit is undoubtedly the main character out of every muppet in The Muppet Show. He could definitely wield a sword well, and I don’t think he would fall for any of Sauron’s schemes. This would also make casting Arwen Undomiel, the even-star of her people as Miss Piggy. I considered choosing Piggy Galadriel, as she certainly has the flowing locks of hair for the role, but that would mess up the Aragorn casting and so on.
I think the perfect choice for Elrond would be Sam Eagle because they both have that crazy furrowed brow that one only hears about in fanfiction. Also, the low-opacity Elrond meme still gets me and I think Sam Eagle could be edited as peering over the crumpled form of Gonzo lying in bed in Rivendell quite well.
To continue with the fellowship, I would finish off casting the Hobbits by having Pepe the King Prawn as Merriadoc Brandybuck a.k.a. Merry, and Bean Bunny as Peregrin Took a.k.a Pippin. Pepe seems to be a wise choice as he’s involved in quite a bit of mischief, but he can also occasionally spit out some wise words of advice for his friends. And I know, I know, Bean Bunny is a strange choice for Pippin, but you have to realize what character is being talked about. Pippin is notoriously foolish and keen on making questionable decisions while still retaining the love of audiences. To me, that’s what Bean Bunny represents.
It would be ironic to cast a bumbling bear as the swift and light-footed Legolas, but that’s the direction my mind is taking me. I would cast Fozzy as Legolas because imagining him in Elven garb just seems right. Legolas is the enemy-turned-best friend of Gimli’s, so I had to use another iconic Jim Henson creation for the beloved dwarven character. Enter Rowlf. Rowlf is actually one of my favorite muppets, and I always wanted to play piano like him, funnily enough. Since Kermit (Aragorn) is great friends with Fozzy (Legolas), it makes sense to cast Rowlf, and his voice seems like it would be gravelly enough for the role anyway.
A character that I always liked from the 2011 Muppets movie but didn’t feel I got enough of was Bobo the Bear. Nobody talks about him but he has some major screen time in some of the other movies before getting passed up by viewers for “cooler” characters, which kind of reminds me of Boromir. Boromir only makes it in one movie, so again, this was a light-bulb hanging over my head sort of moment.
Gandalf is the singular human character in the entire movie, which shouldn’t come as a surprise. It worked so well having an older Michael Caine surrounded by muppets in The Muppet Christmas Carol that I decided not to mess with the perfected formula.
In the 2011 movie, we got to see Uncle Deadly shine as a henchman, like Bobo, to Chris Cooper’s villainous character Tex Richman. Since Uncle Deadly has a dastardly vibe and a British accent, he reminds me most of Saruman. Uncle Deadly even has a similar backstory, because, at heart, he’s a muppet just like everyone else, and pretending to be someone he isn’t. So, if Saruman had gotten a redemption arc at some point, he’d be similar to Deadly. Plus, even though Christopher Lee didn’t do a maniacal laugh when he played Saruman, he looks like the type of guy who would. And everyone knows that Uncle Deadly has one mean maniacal laugh.
Since Miss Piggy can’t be two different Elven women at once; I had to choose Janice from Electric Mayhem as the seemingly all-knowing magical creature that even Sauron knew to be afraid of. If you think about it, Janice does have a magical aura around her, and she sometimes seems to know the secrets of the universe. I saw a clip of her talking about building the Wicker Man (niche reference?), and I thought to myself, “That’s my Galadriel.” If I had my way, the rest of Electric Mayhem, including Dr. Teeth, would be creating the perfect soundtrack.
Sauron was complicated for me to cast because, after already using Uncle Deadly for Saruman, I had limited options. I had to resort to delving deep into the dark nature of the legendary dark lord and come up with something. Sauron looks scary, destroys things, and appears to be almost psychotic because of his actions. This suits the infamous character, Crazy Harry, who appears at the end of scenes to blow things up and cackle. If Sauron was an American, I could see him blowing his face into Mount Rushmore like Crazy Harry does with TNT.
Animal would be Gollum. He talks in the third person, crawls across the ground, wears a chain, and has occasionally been known to bite people. If I hadn’t just described Animal, maybe you would have thought I was describing Gollum to you.
Because Statler and Waldorf (the old men who make snide remarks from the balcony) played ghosts in the Charles Dickens adaptation, I do not doubt that they could play some entertaining orcs. In my opinion, the few lines that some of the Uruk Hai breed of orcs have in The Two Towers are exactly the type of heckling that only Statler and Waldorf would be able to pull off.
There are a few more royal characters throughout the series, including Eomer, the brother of Eowyn. With flowing locks of blonde hair, I didn’t have much to go off of, but Scooter really needed a role in this brilliant adaptation and he’s certainly noble enough to ride off at first light into battle on a stallion. As I continued to run out of characters, I thought that Link Hogthrob, the spaceship captain in the “Pigs in Space” segment of the TV show, could do nicely as King Theoden. Eowyn, a stubborn and battle-ready noblewoman deserved to be portrayed by an equally stubborn character like that of Camilla the chicken. In this version of the movie, instead of saying to the evil Witch-King of Angmar, “I am no man,” Camilla gets to say, “Bawk, bawk, bawk,” before thrusting a sword through the mouth opening in the helmet. The Witch-King himself gets to be who I like to call “Gangster Fozzy,” the version who appears wearing a beanie, some chain necklaces, and a mean look on his face, and sings with the rest of the Muppet knock-off band, The Moopets.
Beauregard, the janitor of the muppet theater, unfortunately, gets left with the role of Grima Wormtongue, who is as slimy as his surname sounds.
Have no fear, Lew Zealand is here! Lew and his fishes would be taking on the throne inside the great city of Gondor. Does this have any particular reason for the casting other than the funny collar he wears that reminds me of something Denethor would wear? No, not really. Denethor’s son Faramir, the fairest of them all, would be best played by a creature like Beaker, who, like Faramir, also sometimes goes under-appreciated.
Finally, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew is to play the role of Treebeard, a fascinating character that is obviously a tree (an ent, technically). Since Bunsen looks like he’s supposed to be a melon, and a melon grows on vines, this was all close enough to nature to make sense in my head.
There are some other characters in The Lord of the Rings who deserve to be played by Muppets as well, but if I were to cast literally everyone, I would be stuck doing this for as long as it takes to read the original Tolkien novels. So, if Peter Jackson or anyone from New Line Cinema sees this, hit my line! I’d be happy to pitch this to you on a bigger scale.