Watering Your Own Flowers Before Tending to Someone Else’s Garden

I have written a lot about change and growth in my previous articles; I realize now that I have the most to say about these things because they are what scare me. Our futures are uncertain, but our pasts remain unchanged, and that is why we seek so much comfort in the people we already know and the memories that have already been made. There comes a time, however, when we must face the future head on and begin to move on from the parts of our past that are keeping us there. 

Like so many others, I have always found myself holding on to people that I should have let go of because they bring me comfort, simply because they are familiar. As I change, the unconditional love I have for them does not, but sometimes that love is not enough. Sometimes personal growth is more valuable than that relationship or friendship. It is okay to outgrow the people in your life. This does not mean you do not love them, it just means you love yourself and you love the direction your life is heading in, and you are unwilling to sacrifice that for anyone else.

Outgrowing some of the people in your life is inevitable, much like outgrowing your environment is as well. College is an interesting time in a young person’s life: you spend 9 months out of the year in your cozy little apartment with the girls you just met but somehow, they are already your best friends, and slowly your home away from home begins to feel more familiar than your actual home. This feeling is uncomfortable because it is a feeling of growth. That feeling you get when your childhood bedroom does not bring you the same comfort as it once did signifies that you are growing up and becoming independent. Outgrowing your environments is a necessary part of becoming your future self, and you should not fight that feeling. 

You always hear about how the people in your life change and how that change results in distance, but people rarely talk about what happens when you change and the people around you do not – the guilt and sadness combined with the peace and happiness that comes from leaving someone in your past, but knowing that it is what is best for you can weigh heavy on your heart. 

Change is a part of the life cycle, and it can be hard to facilitate relationships with people that refuse to change or make you feel as if you are moving backwards in life when your goal is to project forward and change for the better.

Never remain in a relationship, friendship, or environment that is prohibiting your growth. It is okay to outgrow parts of your past, this does not mean you love that person any less or dread going home to that childhood bedroom. It just means that you are growing up and there is not always room for those that refuse to grow. 

Remember to always, always, always water your own flowers before tending to someone else’s garden.