Oh, the scale. That dreaded little machine brings a mix of emotions to everyone. Sometimes it’s joy when you are reaching a weight loss or weight gain goal. Other times it is utter despair when that scale tells you that you are what seems miles away from your dream weight.
I’ve had a very complicated relationship with my weight. I come from a Sicilian-American family where everyone is on the larger side. As a kid, I was bullied for being overweight. I then lost weight in middle school, gained it back freshman year, and fell into an eating disorder sophomore year. Since then, I’ve maintained a healthy weight until college. Now, I am over 200 pounds. And you know what? I am slowly learning to be okay with the way I am now. It is hard to love yourself, even though it is so, so, so necessary. It is even harder to love yourself when part of you doesn’t conform to society’s definition of beauty. This can apply to anything that is outside of society’s uber strict tall-skinny (but not too skinny), long straight hair, clear skin, perfect teeth, precise makeup standards that haunt us in the media and in our daily lives. I just happen to struggle with weight.
There are many reasons why people may struggle with their weight, whether that’s due to being underweight, overweight, or just unhappy with your body. My weight climbed up due to psychiatric medication and the stress of college. Diseases can also cause weight gain and loss as well. No matter what the reason for the weight issue, you have to love yourself where you are. Easier said than done—I know. Here are a couple of tips I have for feeling more confident in my plus-sized body that I hope will help you love your body too.
1. Stop caring about the size on clothes
I’ll say it right now—I’m a size 16 and I don’t care that I’m telling the whole world this. Try to think of sizes as they are: an organizational tool to help you find a piece of clothing quickly and efficiently. They are not a number that is tied to your value. In terms of clothes shopping, I absolutely love Torrid. They are a plus sized store that gives sizes in numbers like 0, 1, 2, etc. Plus, they have adorable clothing that I thought were only made up to a size 12 in other stores. Torrid also has a bomb clearance section and really good sales. Back to sizes, don’t be afraid to go up a size just because you don’t like the next number up—you’ll look and feel a lot better in something that actually fits you.
2. Choose clothing that makes you feel beautiful
We all have that one article of clothing that makes us feel confident, pretty, and even sexy. For me, it’s my pair of jeggings. This piece of clothing could be anything: a shirt, a really supportive bra, or a really dope pair of shoes. Wear this piece whenever you’re having a day where your confidence isn’t where it should be and I promise that will help. If you don’t have that piece of clothing, go look for it! It’s out there waiting for you!
3. Try something where you can’t hide
Before college, I have never danced. I was simply a music kid and I didn’t think I was the dancing type. In college however, it is imperative to try new things—so I decided to dance. With dance, I couldn’t hide my body and I had to force myself to be the center of attention. It has been a very empowering experience and I can say that all of us in the dance looked beautiful. And that’s the thing—all bodies are beautiful.
4. Get rid of toxic people
Body shamers—they’re out there, but they’re simply weak people who gain confidence by hurting others. If you have a toxic person like this in your life, tell them to sashay away! Frankly, people who criticize others for things like weight and looks are ignorant and dumb. Do haters honestly think that their fatphobic, ableist, or cruel comments will magically change what they don’t like? Maybe they do, but ten times out of ten, the answer is no. I’ve never gotten a fatphobic comment that has made me magically drop thirty pounds. And I don’t think that will ever happen. In other words, if there are toxic people in your life who put you down, kick them to the curb. If there is someone who you can’t simply kick out of your life, at least have an honest conversation about their hurtful language.
5. Remember that you are beautiful and have a community that is here to support you
No one is ever alone in this world. For me, I know that there are other wonderful plus-sized beauties out there. I see women who run body-positive Facebook pages like I Heart My Body and I remember that I’m not alone. No matter how you may deviate from society’s norms (and frankly—almost everyone does!), there are people who are just like you. You have a community and that in itself is beautiful.
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