I love, love, LOVE seeing people decorate their emotional-support water bottles with stickers—it’s such a fun way to see a stranger’s personality without ever even saying a word to them. Or when you sit next to someone in class and use their stickers to see if they’d be a nice person to talk to or not (at least that’s literally how I began one of my friendships). For any reason, I love seeing what stickers people choose as their way of self-expression. Buuuuut it’s even more fun seeing how people embody the certain stereotypes that come along with owning popular stickers. So, here is a little, harmless roast to those with such stickers; I see you, I hear you, sometimes I am you and I hope you join me in laughing over these meaningless opinions I have of you:
- An iced coffee sticker
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Your coffee order tastes more like milk than coffee.
- “Good Vibes”
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People take advantage of your go-with-the-flow personality. It’s okay to say no to plans, no one is going to hate you.
- A sunflower sticker
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You’re mostly a LGBTQ+ ally because you have an unhealthy obsession with Harry Styles. If he wasn’t so heavily queer-baiting Gen Z, we’d be a lot less progressive-presenting than we are.
- A sticker showcasing your hometown
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Why are you telling complete strangers where you live! It’s like when parents have those stickers on their back-windshield showing who’s in their family—it’s a kidnapper’s shopping list.
- A sticker of a van with “home is on the road” on it
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You’re in undergrad planning to pursue a masters degree, and then go right into starting your career and family. Love you girly, but stop looking at Craigslist for used vans.
- “Eat the rich” sticker (specifically if it’s pink and has an animal like a frog)
- A NASA sticker
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Name the five rovers that went to Mars. I’ll wait.
- “Hydrate or Die-drate”
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I respect the message, I do … but what was the last time you cleaned your water bottle? That’s not water in there anymore, that’s an ecosystem.
- A Rick and Morty sticker
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If you’re a girl, hmu. If you’re a guy, please stay away from me I can’t go through that again.
- Anything from the Redbubble sticker’s homepage
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You try to go to Disney once a year and have even considered applying for their student program.
If you felt like you identified with any of these I hope you feel just as amused as I do—they’re just stickers, nothing more and nothing less!