I was scrolling through Facebook the other day when I came across a post that instantly resonated with me; a female who went to the same high school as me shared a meme that hit close to home. The meme featured four different images of feminine-like fingers pushing down the lock button on a car, with the caption, “when I see a man walk by.” At the time there was only one reaction: it was the “haha” reaction, or laughing face. I didn’t even have to look at the name beforehand to know that the reaction came from a male. As you may have already guessed, as a woman, my reaction to the post was not the same. I used the “sad” reaction, or the face with a teardrop falling from its eye.
My reaction was rooted in the innate understanding of gender inequality that continues to be perpetuated in the world. On the surface, to someone who has not had the same negative experiences or associations with the pictures shown, it may seem like a comical notion or joke. That is because, for the most part, the males I am friends with do not fear walking outside in the dark in the same way a female might. When I close the doors to Subway at night after working alone, I have to take precautions. Even then, I remain fearful until I am safely inside my house behind locked doors.
When I close the Subway doors alone at 9 p.m., I have finally found the most comfortable way for me to park. The closest row of parking to the door is in front of the dumpster, and across from an alley. It took me months of being afraid until I realized there was a better option. The second closest row of parking is out in the open more, so I began to park there.
This made me feel a little safer for a while. Then, before I walked out of work at the end of my shift one day, I noticed a car parked next to me by my driver’s side door. I called my mom and she stayed on the phone with me until I got out of the parking lot. I now park in the second row, closest to the door, with my driver’s side door facing the door so that I can get into my car with a better awareness of my surroundings.
As a woman, I have been programmed to keep my guard up in public. When I walk to my car, I walk with my keys between my fingers, and when I get to the car I check in my back seat. And hopefully I am parked under a street lamp. I have been told to be careful going on walks or runs alone, and to be especially careful putting my hair in a ponytail when doing so. I have been taught to always meet strangers in a public place, and to text my mom the full name and address of my date before I go out with them in case I go missing. I have learned that I should never go to a party alone, and that I should never take my eye off my drink at a bar or party. If I do, the drink is no longer safe to drink. To avoid that, I either have to finish my drink before I get up to use the bathroom, or take it with me.
Instead of teaching little boys to not hurt little girls or the women they grow into, we teach our little girls how to be as safe as possible in the world that will not always treat them right. Education needs to begin at a young age. Children pick up more than people realize and absorb the information into their developing minds, shaping the people who they are to become. My four year old nephew for example, while bright for his age, comprehends every word he hears, every sight he sees and every experience he has. This is apparent in the way he responds and interacts with my family long after something has been said or done, for better or worse. That being said, whether knowingly or not, the influencers children spend time with often weaponize them through negative speech and actions. “Monkey see, monkey do”—a child’s parent or role model, the one they look up to, impacts their growth and development. While I may be getting slightly into another topic, such as nurture versus nature, the events in a child’s life will make a difference in the adult they transform into.
I think it is also important to comment on the gender inequality that comes along with safety, and fear of a lack thereof. What many people do not realize or acknowledge is that men and non-binary people have these experiences too. While it may not always seem as easy or desirable of a target for the average predator, men are victims too. Men and boys get jumped, sexually assaulted, harassed, kidnapped—there is not a single travesty that discriminates against genders. Men live with fear, even if it is not as highly reported or spoken of. Pride and the need for upholding a masculine image may try to diminish this idea, and keep men from speaking up; the world has become an increasingly dangerous place for any gender to live and feel at ease.
Society has told me that the clothing I put on my body signifies my intentions and sets them in stone. Society has told me that this is merely how the world works and to get used to it. Society has made me feel weak and fearful of the world.
Society may seem like it can take us down, but it is our turn to turn our world around.