A letter to First-Gen students, from a First Gen Latina Student
Being a first generation student is an overwhelming experience. So many of us are also either children of immigrants, or immigrants ourselves. It can be so wonderful, and so terrifying at the same time. Being first generation teaches you the pressures of the world early. The weight of your life and often your family can feel like it all rests on your shoulders. Here’s what I’ve learned over the years as a first gen student and the daughter of two immigrants. I hope you find some solace in these gentle reminders.
You are so capable
First things first, take a deep breath. Being first gen means having a lot of new experiences, so many unguided paths. There isn’t always going to be someone holding your hand and walking you through what to do, or how to do it. Here’s the honest truth; you will sometimes fail. Now, I know I said gentle reminders, but I promise this is an act of kindness. You will sometimes fail and you will sometimes make mistakes. You don’t have all the tools in your toolbox that other students have. You don’t have all the tools they got from their parents and their families. The important thing is, they gave you different tools; perseverance, strength and faith that there is always a solution. Trust me, there is always a lesson in a mistake. You are more than capable of getting back up. The tools your parents gave you may look different, but they’ll help you strengthen either way.
It’s okay to feel guilty, but you’re not
First gen guilt is very real. I find myself feeling guilty almost every day. You can’t always quite pinpoint why. You feel guilty for moving out and leaving your parents, who depended on you from a young age. Whether that be to translate, for emotional support, for financial help. You leave behind siblings. You feel guilty for going to the grocery store without asking permission, because you don’t have to anymore. You feel guilty for enjoying your life and having fun. You feel guilty for laughing or falling in love. It feels like your only mission is to build the life your parents couldn’t have, the life they sacrificed everything so you can have. It feels like if you’re not working yourself to the bone, everything they do for you is in vain.
The truth is, they did sacrifice everything for you. So you can have a life safer, more radiant, than they could. It’s okay to live your life beautifully and radiantly! You are not a terrible person for moving out, going to college, or pursuing your dreams! Quite the opposite, you are helping your parents pursue the dream they have of giving their child the opportunity of a beautiful life. Fill your rooms with flowers, stay out late, fall in love, and build a life. It is yours to build, not theirs to live vicariously through. In my experience, the best way to repay them is to share it with them. Call your mom, tell her about that great staff writer job at HerCampus you just got. Thank her for all the hard work she put in to help you get there. (Thank you mami.) Feel proud, not guilty.
Related: The Reality of Being a First Generation Student
Be kind to yourself, this is your first time too
It can be so easy to forget that this is our first time experiencing college, and we’re doing so without help. We focus so much on our parents’ firsts, we forget to celebrate our own. We are taught that the world will fall beneath our feet at any moment. The world will not fall beneath your feet. It’s okay to plant roots, explore cities and people and paths on this journey. It’s okay if your favorite coffee shop is no longer in your hometown. It’s okay if you failed a test because you didn’t realize college would be this hard. It’s okay that you turned in FAFSA late, because who really understands FAFSA anyways? Your words are the ones you hear the most. Make sure they’re kind, gentle, and empowering. Celebrate yourself! You are achieving phenomenal things, reaching great new heights for your family, setting new standards for generations to come. You are paving the way!
Seek community
Lastly, I want to say, find your people. There are so many of us out there. By empowering each other, helping and supporting each other, we can help soften the blows of this difficult experience. Join clubs, organizations, sports. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked into a Latino org room or a First Gen mixer and felt 100% less alone. We need each other. If you’re struggling with finding a place on campus, we have this beautiful place called the internet. There are so many resources where you can find people, share stories or read them, like this one, I’m happy you’re here. I see you, I feel for you, and I send you my strength. You’re never alone.