As proper young ladies of the 21st century we know what refined etiquette is. Of course, a classy woman would never indulge in a crunchy snack, like a bag of Doritos, that could tempt her to lick her fingers. Naturally, a woman shouldn’t snack on something that might be loud enough for her neighbors (much less, that of the opposite sex) to hear her. Heaven forbid we draw attention to ourselves!! A female’s sole purpose in life is to be pretty, behave, get married and be impregnated. For that reason, eating crunchy, dirty snacks like Doritos is the antithesis of female beauty and does not align with our agenda…but rejoice ladies, there’s a solution!
Doritos has introduced the newest innovation in female marketing: “lady-friendly doritos” are underway. The chip is quieter, cleaner and packaged to fit inside a purse. While we may not have a female president, or much representation in politics, we do have our very own Doritos. That can only mean one thing: Feminism has been solved!
CEO of PepsiCo, Indra Nooyi eloquently explained that women “don’t like to crunch too loudly in public. And they don’t lick their fingers generously and they don’t like to pour the little broken pieces and the flavor into their mouth.”
Related: Feminist Books and Podcast Essentials for 2018
Thank goodness Nooyi knows what it’s like to be a snacking, self-conscious, albeit hungry woman of 2018. Here I am licking my fingers and pouring the bag over my head to get the last crumbs into my mouth. Before hearing Nooyi’s interview, I had considered myself lucky when Doritos crumbs fell into my cleavage so I could save them for later. How wrong I was! Thanks Doritos for teaching me how to eat quieter, cleaner and less noticeably. This way I can keep all the men infatuated with me as they ponder over whether or not I eat and comment on the cleanliness of my hands.
Sounds like a marketing concept out of the 1920’s? Think again. Here we are nearly a century later working to fight the same backwards ideas.
Truthfully, I’m not sure that anyone at the Doritos company has ever met a woman. Not only is our patriarchal society set on establishing differences between men and women physically…they’re also set on concluding that we eat differently.  As women we want equal pay but instead we get “lady Doritos.”
Related: The 5 Best Places to Shop For Feminist Merchandise
In response to the new chips, Kim Bongiomo tweeted, “Questions I have about the forthcoming lady Doritos: 1. May I request they be salted with the tears of our enemies? 2. Will they be priced to align with the gender pay gap? 3. If a lady is OK with crunching crumbs and public eating, is she banned from purchasing them?”
To which I say that Bongiorno’s tweet proves she’s a better marketing strategist for Doritos than their current one.
Courtesy of Leila Mire
I mean, to think that in 2018 someone proposed the “lady Doritos” concept and was actually met with approval is baffling. We as women need to show our disgust by taking the following measures. Show Doritos we have a chip on our shoulder by going to your closest grocery store and purchasing an off-brand version of Doritos (brands like Uncle Rays, Detos, Clancy’s.) Then take a picture enjoying your generic chips in the most unladylike fashion imaginable. Eat to your heart’s content, sweatpants, legs uncrossed and all.
In doing so, we’re sending a message. We’re telling society that we as women (and everyone for that matter) are tired of being perpetuated with outdated stereotypes. We’re sick of being told how we should behave, what our insecurities should be and what products we should invest in. Women don’t fit inside a package and companies shouldn’t pretend we do.
As Jessica Valenti posted, “the only good thing about the new quiet “Lady Doritos” is now they can’t hear us coming.”
So let’s leave a bitter taste in Doritos’ mouth and show the company what #LadyDoritos look like.
Â