Why this term is more complex and derogatory than you think
We all know that one girl. We love her to death but can’t ignore the fact that she rubs it in everyone’s face that she’s just “one of the guys.” She doesn’t do drama, loves conventionally masculine activities, and might even make fun of other girls for being high maintenance and “girly”- all presumably under the guise of seeking male validation.
“Pick-me girl” is a term used to refer to girls and young women (at a dating age) who do anything for attention, but primarily male attention. They often brag about how they’re different from the average girl by not having feminine qualities. How a lot of guys try to flirt with them because they have so much in common with guys or how they can’t help that they just spend all their time around guys.
While the term originated on social media and provided comedic relief for a while, it can be seen as derogatory in several ways, as it is indirectly sexist, insulting, and dismissive to women.
“Pick-Me Girl”: A Term Rooted in Internalized Misogyny
Though this term is not only used to refer to girls, the severity is much less with boys. “Pick-me boys” also go after attention from women, not necessarily so they can date these women but maybe because they might be bored.
The phrase “pick-me boy” is thrown around a lot less and has less of a negative connotation. Calling women “pick-me girls” is another form of internalized misogyny. It’s also unfortunate that girls are the main group calling other girls “pick-me girls.” It’s another successful attempt of our society to teach women sexist ideals through the media and encourage them to subconsciously put down their sisters.
Additionally, this term can be very harmful to women who genuinely have an interest in activities that were traditionally designed for men. They may have played with trucks and airplanes more when they were younger, so now they enjoy stereotypical “manly” activities like learning about new cars and building Lego models.
Many of these women are in secure relationships and are unfazed by the opinions of men; so their hobbies don’t make them “pick-me,” which means they’re confident and don’t conform to traditional gender stereotypes.
This last one is a little bit more complex and probably not everyone will agree, but their desire for male attention might be rooted in a difficult childhood where they were deprived of (male) love and attention.
Confessions of a Recovering “Pick-Me” girl
They watched all their girl friends have their first kiss in elementary school, have their first boyfriends in middle school, get asked to homecoming in 9th grade, and lose their virginity in 11th grade.
Meanwhile the “pick-me girl” didn’t even hold hands with a guy until her freshman year of college, only after she downloaded a dating app at age 18. She had to go out of her way to enter the dating scene because it wasn’t working naturally, even though it naturally worked perfectly for all her friends.
This can be a serious hit to a girl’s self-worth and might influence her to go out of her way to fill that hole.
If a woman is engaging in these “pick-me” behaviors and sometimes has an annoying attitude solely for male attention, we should consider that it might be derived from a complex childhood with a lack of self-esteem and male attention, not just her trying to be obnoxious in everyone’s face.
Sadly, we live in a patriarchal society that overvalues the opinions of men, so many women grow up with damaged self-esteem if they are not reaching the level of attention from men that women are told to crave from a young age.
Now that she’s in college, it manifests in a way that she tries to overcompensate and prove to herself that she can be liked by men by taking up some of their hobbies and befriending more of them.
That being said, showing off your “masculine” hobbies at the expense of other women is unacceptable. Shaming your girl friends for enjoying getting their nails done or for wearing heels on a night out is disrespectful and immature, especially if you consider them your friends.
A lack of love and attention while growing up is difficult, especially because it targets women of color at a higher rate and these women are already subjected to so many other social challenges- but this is not an excuse to bully your fellow women.
Most women in college have probably been called a “pick-me girl” at least once in their lives, which is unfortunate because this is exactly what society wants. But, we’re all young women trying to navigate our world’s complex social scene, so let’s just spread love and uplift each other while we’re here.
#drama #gossip #dating