Long Distance Relationships: Making it Work

When I was a senior in High School, my boyfriend of four years went to college. We pledged our love to each other (he had an Olive Garden waiter bring me a Tiffany’s box on a dessert plate… I thought he was proposing, turns out it was a bracelet), and swore that we would be able to make it work. We were, after all, “different from everyone else.” We texted, skyped and called each other as often as we could, and I came to visit him at school at least once a month. After two months, we both realized it wasn’t working—we were miserable. He was missing out on opportunities to make new friends and experience college, and I was wasting away the days of what should have been the most fun year of my life. No matter what either of us were doing, we both wished we were somewhere else. So much of my life was away at school with him, and I spent more time missing him than I did enjoying my (awesome) life. We eventually broke up, but not after wasting three months trying to save what we should have realized was a lost cause.
 
Yes, I had a very negative experience, but I don’t mean to say that long distance relationships don’t always work.  There are certainly exceptions to the rule: somewhere, out there, there really are couples who are different. But what do they have that we didn’t?
 
In order to make such a relationship work, both parties need to trust each other completely, even more so than in a normal relationship. There can’t be any fear of drunken mistakes, or else every Sunday morning one of you will wake up confused over a series of psychotic jealous text messages.
 
“Why didn’t you text me back last night?!?!?! I KNOW you were making out with that guy you got history notes from 3 weeks ago”
“Ummm … I fell asleep in the library, babe. And that kid is gay.”
 
Not only do you need to put all of your trust in each other, but also in yourselves. You need to be confident that you won’t black out and wind going home with a rando, otherwise you probably will. You need to be 100% committed, and willing to put time and effort into keeping the relationship alive. My ex and I used to talk on the phone every Wednesday night and watch Top Cheftogether… it was a little bit dorky, but it worked. Also, steamy text messages and Skype sessions definitely can’t hurt.
 

Making time to see each other is crucial, but you must also be sure not to put too much pressure on the 72-hours you get to spend together once a month.  Plan fun things during the day, go out at night—make the most of what little time you have. But also remember that it’s ok to just spend the weekend enjoying each other—it’s ok to act like a normal couple every once in a while. If you want to take a full day ordering take out and watching movies in your bed, go for it.
 
Most importantly: get to know each other’s friends – they come in handy when trying to schedule a surprise visit (side note—these almost never go well.).
 
I wish the best of luck to all long distance lovers, safe travels!