So I was fortunate enough to go to Canada this past weekend on a trip called Snow Jam. It was an amazing time and I recommend it to everyone, but when I say everyone I mean everyone who lives close to Canada. Coming from D.C., the bus ride was 20 hours there and 20 hours back. Just to clarify- in a period of 96 hours, I spent 40 hours on a bus! I would like to enlighten you all on the stages of awkwardness that a period of travel that long involves.
Stage 1: “The Beginning”
Time: Hours 1-4
Awkwardness: You get on the bus and you think. “Alright, I can do this!” “TO CANADA!” You chat for a little. The whole bus is excited. On a scale of 1-10 morale is at an 8.
Stage 2: “The Downturn”
Time: Hours 5-8
Awkwardness: You realize that bus rides are miserable. Your butt is officially asleep and you are semi-hungry. You ask when you might be able to stop for food and the driver says, “in 250 miles.” This doesn’t mean much to you. It sounds far, but math just isn’t happening at hour 6 on a bus. You decide sleeping is the best way to pass the time. You try sleeping sitting up. You try being completely upside-down. You eventually fall asleep with your earphones in on top of your friend in the seat next to you.
Stage 3: “Purgatory”
Time: Hours 8-12
Awkwardness: You wake up because your seat buddy moved. For some reason you are incredibly hot. Your phone has died. You realize you are only halfway there. You attempt to be positive and think, “Alright, 10 down, 10 to go!” You are also thinking, “#&*(*^$#@#$^*(*%$#$^&*(.” You want off this bus. You decide sleeping is the best way not to go insane. You roll and toss and turn. You give up for a little. You actually say, “UGH” out loud. No one reacts. Just when you are about to fall asleep the bus driver uses his unnecessarily loud microphone to say, “Rest stop. Everyone must get off the bus. I will be back in 45 minutes.” You then sit in a Wendy’s and eat for a full 45 minutes. Total calories is in the thousands, but you may not eat again for 9 hours. No talking between bus mates. This is survival mode.
Stage 4: “The Drop”
Time: Hours 13-17
Awkwardness: You drop the whole positive re-enforcement crap and everyone becomes angry. People are being annoying. You want to sleep. They want to scream. You want to punch everyone in the face. You are mad at the driver, because every other car is passing you. What law said buses must go 10 MPH lower than the speed limit. You debate laying on the nasty bus floor to sleep in a position that doesn’t cause a limb to fall asleep. Someone asks you if you can put your seat up a little. You say no and put it back further. On a scale of 1-10, morale is at 0.
Stage 5: “The End”
Time: Hours 17-20
Awkwardness: People slowly come out of their anger when everyone realizes sleeping is never going to work. People get really, really, really weird. Everyone is talking and making friends with each other. In reality you are not this friendly. You laugh at literally anything. Someone says they are in your grade and you laugh. The trip leader who just got on the bus says hello and you get the giggles and cannot stop. Everyone is walking around the bus and laughing when no one can move or actually go anywhere. Everyone is pointing at weird Canadian store names and trying to make puns out of it. It doesn’t work and people are still laughing. You feel like you are going insane and then…. you arrive. You get off the bus and you want to pull the whole “drop to the ground and kiss it” but your back hurts. The end has finally come.
So everyone, if you feel the need to go on a 20 hour bus ride. Do it. It is something I will talk about for a long time. Plus, the trip was amazing. Just prepare yourself for the 5 stages of awkwardness that will most definitely happen.