The other day, one of my friends hooked up with a guy she met at the bar. She went upstairs to get a snack, and while she was gone he snuck out her back door. She was obviously distraught, and didn’t understand why he would leave her. After such an extreme example, the whole situation got me thinking: why do boys bolt before breakfast?
I’ve heard of boys pretending to have “early lift” or “an interview” as excuses for the 4am escape, when really all they want is to sleep in their own bed. For many boys, it’s all about the discomfort of sharing a twin XL. Dorm beds are simply not meant for two people. There is no way to get any sleep when your arm is numb from spooning. You end up lying awake next to each other, counting down the minutes until it’s an appropriate time to acknowledge the uncomfortableness. Plus, it’s really, really hot.
There is also the avoidance of the awkward wake up. There is always a very good chance that even though you like someone when you’re drunk, you’re not necessarily going to like them when you’re sober. Especially after you’ve been lying awake next to them sweating to death for 5 hours. And what are you supposed to talk about? Is there going to be a morning hookup? When is it appropriate to leave? The whole thing is just awful—so some boys figure it’s better to just skip it altogether. Plus, no guy wants to be seen escaping from a freshman dorm at the crack of dawn, wearing his clothes from last night. Thank God they don’t have to deal with heels.
Sometimes, sleeping together after “sleeping together” implies a desire to turn the hookup into a relationship. This, of course, rarely happens with someone you pick up in a bar at closing time—so the boy doesn’t want to give you the wrong idea. By leaving in the middle of the night, a boy makes it (painfully) clear that you are a one-night stand. But at least you get your bed to yourself! The only advice I can offer to keep boys around until morning is to lure them with promises of pancakes. Or to invest in a king sized bed.