Lesson learned from last night’s episode of the Bachelor: find a way to hold your liquor ladies! On last night’s group date, which was arguably one of the stranger one’s in the shows history, Victoria had a total meltdown which left her slurring her speech, rolling on the bathroom floor, and ultimately eliminated. And this is just week two! If girls are losing their marbles this early on, I think we’re all in for a pretty entertaining season. Let’s recap some of the highlights from the episode.
Clare: The fact that the ‘pregnant’ girl got the first one on one is just weird to me. I’m still freaked out by her fake baby bump and the lengths that people go to in order to make an impression, but I guess Juan Pablo was into it? The show reeled out another one of their classic date scenarios: awkward concert by some no-name band. Watching JP and Clare slow dance like seventh graders at a bar mitzvah wasn’t the best. The duo canoodled in a hot tub (another classic bachelor move) and Clare seemed normal enough to get a rose.
Kat: While an electric run sounds fun, if some guy suggested we work out on a first date I’d take it as a hint. Maybe next time we can hit up a salad bar and discuss diet plans! No thank you. They looked like they were having fun and Kat felt a connection: “There was a lot of electricity between Juan Pablo and I” … cool pun! It’s great when you can literally hear the producers feeding the girls these weird lines.
Now let’s get to the good stuff: the group date. Kudos to these ladies who actually develop feelings for JP and put up with dates like this because honestly I could never date anyone with 25 other biddies hanging around and making out with him in front of me. That being said, I guess they did sign up for this.
Any date involving dogs sounds like the best date ever…until it turns into a weird sexual photo shoot that is. At least the ‘dog lover’ was in her element. Why is it that animal rights groups always sell their message with nudity? These people are giving PETA a run for their money.
Obviously flower child Lucy cannot wait to get her hands on the skimpiest ‘outfit’. I’m not sure why they didn’t give her that one in the first place and honestly, I’m kind of jealous how comfortable she is au natural, even if it is uncomfortable to watch. Props to JP for maintaining eye contact with all the ladies, even when they stripped down. And his expressions in the pictures were SO adorable. However he did make a major mistake when he kissed Cassandra in front of the other ladies, not heeding Sean Lowe’s main piece of advice. He’s new at this and seems so genuine, so I’ll cut him some slack. Speaking of Cassandra, is everyone on this show a single parent?
Victoria: The hot mess of the night. She hit the bar and just lost it at the after party. “How many legs do I have to hump to get some one on one time around here?” Remember ladies, drunken words are sober thoughts. I had never even seen this girl before last night’s episode, and now she’ll forever be the hot mess express. JP ends up crawling under a bathroom stall to console Victoria, who won’t shut up about straddling people. Single-mom Renee, who seems like she could be a front-runner, comforts Victoria and then Cassandra later in the evening. While Cassandra (who is 21?!) missing her son was super sad, this storyline has been beaten to death on the Bachelor. Frankly I’m over it.
Juan Pablo sent Victoria packing before the cocktail party. Let’s be real, she was a huge mess and it was not cute in the slightest. Hilarious, maybe, but definitely mortifying. She didn’t even seem embarrassed, just extra creepy, when she apologized.
I just feel things really intensely.
I hope she has no hard feelings against JP, or she might put a curse on him or something.
Amy the reporter (aka Sophia Vergara’s doppleganger) and Chantel the account manager were also sent home. Juan Pablo is definitely interested in Nikki, who may be the love child of former Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky and former Bachelor winner Courtney Robertson. Sidenote: WHERE WAS CHRIS HARRISON THIS EPISODE?! He only showed up to announce the final rose and I think I sneezed and missed it. So strange. Here’s hoping next weeks episode is just as scandalous!