From the beginning of time, it seems that straight women have been inventing all sorts of theories to explain the inner workings of straight men’s minds. Beginning in the 90s, due in part to the popularity of Sex and the City, a provocatively honest show about four women navigating the New York dating scene, women began to have more open conversations about sex and dating. The show is also where one of the first noted male theories emerged: the Taxi Cab Theory or Cab Light Theory, which has regained popularity on social media in the last year. The theory discussed very briefly amongst women, states that men are like taxi cabs – they turn their “light” on when they become ready for commitment and marriage, and whoever gets in the cab at the time when the light is on is the person they marry. The theory removes love from the equation, placing all emphasis on timing. Many flocked to this theory, citing it as the explanation behind men’s inability to commit in their teens and twenties.Â
There’s the infamous box theory for other women who have had trouble finding a committed man. This theory states that when a man meets a woman, he immediately puts her into one of three boxes: the friend/platonic box, the romantic relationship box, or the sex box. These boxes define the roles of each woman in that man’s life and once a woman is in one of these boxes, it’s allegedly doubtful for her to switch to a different one. For years, many young women have turned to this theory to explain why a man was never able to commit to them: “I must have been in his sex box.” This also serves as an explanation as to why a man may have been uninterested: “I was in the friend box all along.”Â
A roundabout theory that oddly enough, has some celebrity examples to support it, is the Dusty Ex-Boyfriend Effect. This theory, which gained notoriety on TikTok following the blossoming relationship between Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, states that after a woman breaks up with a “long-term but unfulfilling” partner, she dates a “dusty ex-boyfriend” or questionable man as a rebound, then following that breakup, meets the love of her life. In the case of Taylor Swift, the pop icon dated British actor Joe Alwyn for six years. After their breakup earlier this year, much to the dismay of many fans, she briefly dated problematic lead-singer of the 1975, Matty Healy. Now, after that breakup, she is currently publicly dating Travis Kelce, who, if this theory holds merit, should eventually become her spouse. For another celebrity example, the originator of the theory turned to Blake Lively: she dated Penn Badgley (her Gossip Girl co-star) for three years, had a brief fling with Leonardo DiCaprio – now known widely for his interest in women under the age of 25 – then dated and is now happily married to Ryan Reynolds. This theory, more so than the others, seems to be a beacon of hope – if you just get through your unfulfilling relationship and tolerate a subsequent “dusty” fling, you, too, can find your Travis Kelce or Ryan Reynolds.Â
Finally, arguably the most unhinged theory on this list, is Male String Theory, originating circa 2006, which explains men’s inability to be “exclusive.” Simply put, they prefer not to be. This theory explains that men view some women as “MVPs,” whom they are fully romantically interested in, and the rest of the women in the world remain on the bench as second options. However, barring marriage, this theory claims that most men would rather keep their options open (even with the MVPs) and have multiple sexual partners at once, rather than maintain exclusivity with one woman.
These theories are a few out of dozens. Do any of them hold merit? Probably. I’m certain that some men adhere to them; after all, no theory gains prominence without reason. However, I would argue that to generalize them is unfair to both men and women. After all, I find it highly unlikely that every single man in the world adheres to every single one of these theories. As for how it’s unfair to women, let’s be honest; these theories are glamorizing (while not justifying) men’s bad behavior. Every single one of these theories takes negative subjective experiences that women have had with men and simply packages them up neatly, with a pretty bow on top. While it may not be overtly harmful to perpetuate these theories, I, for one, see them only as a coping mechanism. Perhaps your ex-boyfriend or ex-situations really did put you in a different box than the one you hoped for, or maybe your current “dusty” partner is one last hurdle to jump over before you meet The One. The harm in these theories and their fatal flaw is that human relationships, or even human emotions, are rarely defined by theories.Â
While the theories themselves can be entertaining and even comforting in some cases, real relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, communication, and understanding. They are influenced by a multitude of factors that go beyond simple, catch-all theories. Human beings are incredibly complex and diverse, and it’s not accurate to reduce their relationships to one-size-fits-all theories or to reduce people to just their relationships. People have a wide range of motivations, desires, and behaviors when it comes to dating, and these theories don’t capture that complexity. Some people might find elements of truth or relatability in them, but they should still be taken with a grain of salt. So, ladies, all of that is to say that next time, if a man leads you on for years a la Mr. Big from Sex and the City before settling down with another woman, maybe consider the possibility of him being a jerk, rather than one of the many men who turned on his Cab Light.