Wasting Your Own Time
Listen, as a freshman, I am very aware of my shortcomings and flaws. I know I can’t hope to give valid, justifiable advice to the future grads of 2019. I also know I can’t fool any current Hamilton students with my five weeks of “knowledge,” so therefore I must work with the limited skillset I currently have. My college career may have just begun, but I do have some experience with the bane of every student’s existence: procrastination. No one is spared from this self-loathing act of hubris, not even Hamilton students from what I’ve witnessed. So, if you’re in the mood for some self-destructive behavior, you’ve come to the right place. It’s rarely intentional. Here are a few great ways to excel at procrastination in college:
1. Listen to the Entire Hamilton Soundtrack If you’re not familiar with the lyrical genius of Hamilton the Musical, then I say that that’s more than enough justification to put off that paper for your 10 AM Lit class. It’s Hamilton College, for crying out loud, take the time to culture yourself. For those of us who have the soundtrack ready and waiting on our phones, please take the time and just press play. I’ve been here a month and I’ve probably wasted at least five hours of precious daylight singing along to “Guns and Ships” (well… trying to sing along). I’ve wasted at least an hour spontaneously bursting into some semblance of a Hamilton rap with my roommate.
2. Binge a Netflix Series How can one write an article on procrastination and not mention Netflix? It’s an oldie but a goodie for a reason. This option needs little explanation, but if you’re looking for some recommendations, I got you. Have you watched Jane the Virgin? You should. You should also be on Team Michael. To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before has received teenage acclaim, if you’re looking for some distracting but adorable fluff. Two Weeks Notice was recently added and it’s worth putting off that thirty page reading to witness the power duo that is Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock, and The Good Place may save you from life threatening boredom between Econ problem sets and Charles Dickens.
3. Log More Hours in the Dining Halls I don’t know about you, but back home my fridge was never stocked quite like the dining halls are. You may think that an entire plate of pasta is a sufficient enough dinner, but a salad is actually necessary to lessen the effect of all those carbs you just ate. An entire plate of salad, however, warrants some dessert. So, you get yourself a third plate and add some snickerdoodle bars, when lo and behold, the pizza bar restocked the cinnamon knots, so you better go grab some. Then you’re about to head back to your dorm and begin that two-page short assignment when you realize you’re really craving some ice cream. No, you think, I should really get back to work. Then you pause; it’s 7 and you have a long night ahead of you. You are going to need that sugar high, so let’s not think about the fact that your night just got longer.
4. Take Aesthetically Pleasing Photos This one goes out to all my fellow first years. KJ and the library have some nice views. The first step is to find an ideal window near a couch or table. While you wait for the Wi- Fi to connect to your laptop, why not take some flattering scenery snaps? After all, you’ve got to show all your friends back home what a great time you’re having and just how beautiful Hamilton really is. Take advantage of the green while it lasts.
5. Read. Every. Email. So maybe listening to the Hamilton Soundtrack might not sound appealing to you (although I cannot fathom why). Maybe you also don’t have a Netflix subscription and YouTube is getting old. You’re also on a diet and are not a freshman. So, what should you do? Finish the last three pages of the five-page assignment due tomorrow? You could… or you could open up your trusty Hamilton email inbox and see what’s up. There’s a 92 percent chance you’ll have upwards of twenty new messages, none of which seemingly apply to you, but hey, is there any harm in looking? Who knows, maybe you won’t end up actually joining an advertised club, but at least you’ll know whether or not wind ensemble is canceled. Either way, you just wasted another half an hour and that’s something to be proud of.
By Rosario (Rose) Alarcon