Since the semester started, I’ve been going to therapy. It’s been an empowering experience. And even though I just started (and have a lot in front of me), I feel like I have more control over my own emotions. Part of that is because of a few things I’ve learned from my therapist, which I have tried to execute (successfully and unsuccessfully).
The first is to ask for what you need. This is so important. A lot of the time, we assume that people know what we need, and so when we don’t get it from them, we can become upset. Nobody can read minds (if you can, let me know). So if you need something, ask for it. Maybe you need an extra hug from your partner, or maybe you need a few hours alone. Chances are, the people who care about you will respect that, or will talk about it with you so that you both are getting what you need.
On the other side of that, if your partner or friend (or whoever you’re comfortable with) asks if they can do anything, don’t be afraid to say yes. Sometimes we may feel like a burden, but it’s important to recognize that they want to help. They wouldn’t be asking if they didn’t.
Second is: do something different. My therapist gave me this advice for when I feel like I’m getting stuck in a negative thought cycle. She said that if I do something that’s out of my routine, it can help break that cycle of thoughts. It can be big or small. Instead of watching Netflix in bed, I watched it at my kitchen table. Instead of making breakfast at home and then going to campus to do homework, I went out for breakfast and did my homework there. Maybe you take a different route to work, or maybe you order something different from your favorite place.
This piece of advice has been most helpful to me. Being in a different space brings in new thoughts for me. When I went to breakfast and was doing my homework, I was hit with a huge burst of creativity and was able to crank out a writing assignment, that I had been struggling with for over a week.
Lastly, celebrate the victories! In my last therapy session, my therapist said, “I’m impressed with how well you’re handling this.” At the moment, I was just like, “Thanks,” and felt really squeamish, like one can when receiving a compliment. But after, and the rest of the day, I thought to myself, “No, I should be proud of this.”
You have to celebrate the victories, big or small. Doing that helps you keep going in the future. Recognizing the good that you’re doing serves as a reminder that you can actually do it. It’s a confident-booster. And we always appreciate those.
It’s important to remember this: everything isn’t going to help every time. I’ve done different things than in my normal routine, and it didn’t always help. It’s important to remember that healing is not linear. And that’s okay. You’re going to have ups and downs. Taking care of yourself and learning better habits is a learning process. Mistakes will happen. How you respond is what’s most important.