Have you ever loved yourself for feeling angry? Have you ever loved yourself for feeling resentment? Have you ever loved yourself for truly having those feelings? For honoring your feelings in your body and saying “I love you. Thank you for expressing that and bringing that up”.
As someone who feels her emotions and feels them deeply, I have been back and forth with the question: Am I too sensitive? Relationships, friendships, and conflicts that have left me in tears or throwing below the belt comments, makes me ponder if it is really that deep. In my life I have concluded that it is that deep. It is always that deep and anyone who thinks otherwise can be left at the first layer.Â
I have never been the type to particularly like small talk. When getting to know someone I need to know your history, what happened in your childhood that has left you with grappling fears, what are your past traumas, how did that heartbreak affect you, and why you are the way you are.
Feeling deeply subsequently makes me share a lot. I share so much because there is so much in me, enough to share and enough to sit with. I only share this much with the understanding that there is, unequivocally, no running out of mystery, myth, inquisition etc. I could lay it all bare and there’d still be so much you don’t know. So much to unearth in myself. I am less of an open book as I am an endless scroll. With some parts completely unreadable and others in the most legible print. Within this realization I am coming to the terms that I am not supposed to be easily digestible and understood. And that’s okay. It is okay that things land so hard for me. And in this sometimes I am surrounded by people that do not know how to hold my softness and tenderness, surrounded by people who invalidate just how big my heart is.Â
I feel all of my feelings because I am not going to sweep myself under the rug or dismiss myself in a way others have. Everyone loves intense passionate people because we make them feel important and it feeds into their ego. I love to love people I love from my toes up to the ends of my hair; but no one ever stops to think of how soul crushing it is to love so intensely and never get that love reciprocated.
Embracing Vulnerability
Vulnerability, more seen as weakness, is in fact, a strength. In society today, vulnerability is not appreciated nor respected enough. I believe vulnerability is the first steps to living. Embracing vulnerability is a powerful act of courage and authenticity. It goes beyond surface-level gestures, inviting us to share our deepest doubts, fears, and even joys, despite the risk of being misunderstood. It’s in the moments of openness that we find our deepest connections and our most growth. Your time, love, and emotions are all aspects of your vulnerability.
Navigating Boundaries        Â
Alongside vulnerability, comes a crucial need to understanding and navigating boundaries. Recognizing when certain topics or interactions are uncomfortable and draining. As much as I am an endless scroll or open book, I am also extremely serious and particular about what experiences I deem private and who I choose to share with. There are loads of privacy I prioritize and using my boundaries to differentiate what I am comfortable sharing or holding to myself. Not to mention, being respectful of others you share with boundaries. There is a cap to how intense your feelings can be to those you look to support and help maneuver your emotions with. Your best friend can in fact play therapist with you but holding all of your emotions as well as their own can be draining for them just as much as you. Be aware of not making those you trust your emotional support mule because each person has their own comfort zones and thresholds.
I am actually extremely grateful for the fact that I do feel deeply and honestly… it really allows me to feel so many things at once. Joy and sadness. Frustration and faith. No emotion is a dead end. Nothing owns my peace because I am actively trying to accept myself entirely. As well as accepting all the emotions, the good and the bad emotions like jealousy, anger, grief and holding space for them truly, by feeling them and not trying to fix or bandage them. I think when you really do lean into the depth of the way that you feel life, it is always that deep.