Finding Balance on the Road to Marriage

Everyone knows that relationships are hard work. For a relationship to prosper, both partners have to be on one accord. Before a relationship can escalate to the status of marriage, there has to be multiple conversations detailing the feelings, boundaries and expectations you want out of the relationship. Understanding your role is vital if you want that ring and want to keep it. Continue reading to see the perspectives of both Kenneth Rioland III (Rio) and myself on how determining roles within a marriage will create a balance!

1. How do you view the woman being the sole provider for the household? For example, the woman makes more money and covers most of the expenses.

Naomi: In modern times, it is not unusual or unacceptable for a woman to make more money than her husband. Women are go-getters and refuse to fail in this world. Women are adamant about reaching our goals, therefore, more women are CEOs and business owners which leads to a higher pay rate. As a woman, it is unacceptable for my husband to make substantially lower than me. It is imperative to be on one accord. If we can’t afford the same things and all the responsibilities fall on my shoulders, then there’s a problem. A man should be able to provide for his family, but be able to lean upon his wife as reassurance.

Rio: I absolutely think there is nothing wrong with the woman being the major provider for the household, but I absolutely disagree with anyone being the sole provider.  Both parties should be contributing in some way to bills UNLESS it is agreed that one will stay home willingly to take care of the children, if there are any, or take care of the house.  But if one partner is clearly struggling to handle the bills by his or herself, then the other should be considerate enough to find a job and help out. Even if it is finding a job scraping gum off the floor because he or she is not qualified for any other job, that is still significantly more considerate than allowing your significant other to struggle. 

2. Will a difference in religious backgrounds make or break your relationship?

Naomi: Religion is a major part of any relationship. Having an understanding of each other’s faith can make or break your bond. Additionally, you and your spouse’s religion will be passed down to your children, so being on one accord will create a common ground. Personally, I have not dated someone of another religious background, but I feel as though I would rather be with someone who has the same background as me. I would want to build a relationship on the same terms and I don’t want my children to grow up where they aren’t religious because their parents can’t compromise. I am not the most religious person, but I want to be able to grow spiritually with my spouse.

Rio: This is definitely a deal breaker for me.  While I do not discriminate against any other deity or religion, I am a firm believer of a specific segment of Joshua 24:15 which states, “…as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”  Now I am not the most holy and orthodox Christian there is; however, I do believe my spouse and I should be equally yoked to ensure both parties are on the same page in our household and in raising our children.  I have seen other couples with mixed religions operate beautifully and coexist in the household leaving religious preferences to the individual. However, I personally see great difficulty in being with a significant other who does not share the same beliefs as me.  If I am merely interacting with another person, their religious affiliation has no consequence to our relationship. But at any point the relationship is serious enough to discuss commitment, religious plays a huge part because there is no point for us to waste each other’s time if not on the same accord religiously.

3. What is one thing you refuse to compromise on in a marriage? E.g. lack of communication, lack of intimacy, cheating, difference in beliefs, etc.

Naomi: I REFUSE to compromise on the difference in values. My values such as honesty and integrity hold a lot of weight in my life. If my spouse cannot hold himself to the same standards as me, then we cannot move forward in our relationship. 

Rio: I refuse any type of dishonesty in a marriage. This applies to cheating, lying, deceit, or anything of the sort.  This is the person I plan to spend my life with, and if I cannot trust you then I cannot be with you. Why would anyone waste their time being with someone and commit their life to them if they cannot trust them?  Forgiveness is a factor of any relationship. For forgiveness is the true merit of love. However, to be taken for granted and made a fool of is without question inexcusable. If at any point in time I am made to feel this way with anyone, ESPECIALLY my wife, then the relationship is in need of major reconstruction.  If the same occurrences continue to take place, then the relationship can altogether be terminated.