The First Date

For “His Week,” Jalen Greene and I will be answering some questions about the first date! Keep reading to find out who should pay, what to ask, and what to think after the night ends… 

What’s your ideal first date?

JG: My ideal first date is always something interactive, so I can get to know a person. Some dates that I enjoy – going out to get good food or going to an art gallery or museum. Sometimes, the simpler dates are the most memorable.

DM: My ideal first date is somewhere that my date and I can talk. I want to do something that’s interesting, but something that still gives an ample amount of time to talk while the activity occurs.  For example, going to an art museum. There are images that can spark conversation, while I learn my date’s perspective on things. It’s an easy way for me to get a feel for his likes or dislikes.

How do you ask the person out? How you do you prefer to be asked out? Who should pay?

JG:  After a few in person conversations, I would say to the girl, “Do you have plans over the weekend? Let’s spend some time together.” By doing this, I show her that I’m serious and that I have some type of interest in her. If I ask a girl out, I pay. Chivalry is essential when taking a girl out; women like a gentleman.

DM: The key to asking me out on a date is to be straightforward.  The guy should let me know that he is interested in me and that he has a plan for a date should I choose to accept it.  “Let’s chill sometime,” or “We should link,” is NOT the way to go; if he uses a line like that, I will not take him seriously, and I am going to think that he wants to hang out as friends. In terms of payment for the date, one of my old friends told me that in his culture, whoever asks the other person out should pay.  I, however, think the guy should pay. The first date is all about the impression that you leave on the other person. 

When heading to a date, how do you let a girl know that you’re there to pick her up? How do you want him to let you know he is there?

JG:  The best way to let a girl know you are there is, if she lives in a college residence hall, to call her and wait in the lobby until she comes. It all depends where you are, but regardless of the location, do not have her waiting. If she is somewhere else, call her. Communication is key.

DM: If you have the ability to come to my door, that is always best.  If not, I am definitely expecting a call saying that you are there. A text is cheap in my opinion. It’s lazy.

What are some questions that you ask on the first date?

JG: When I take someone out, I always ask “How was your day?” I’m interested in how she typically spends her time (studying or partying). Depending on how she answers, I usually have follow up questions or even a joke. I want her to feel comfortable when we talk. This is the time when you are getting to know a person. As long as the conversation is flowing, you can ask just about anything.

DM: It depends on how much you knew about the person prior to the date.  I love questions. I’ll ask anything and everything that comes to my mind.  If this is the first time that I am sitting down with the person one on one, I like to ask things like: what are your religious beliefs, who inspires you, what do you want to do with your life, what role does your family play in your life, how do you exercise creativity? Questions on the first date are to see if you guys connect, and if you do, what level(s) you connect on. 

How do you feel about using your phone/social media on a date?

JG:  I only use my phone when I have to. If you’re always on your phone, your date will feel as though your attention is elsewhere. Put your phone down and talk to her.

DM: DO NOT BE ON YOUR PHONE WHILE ON A DATE WITH ME! Put it completely away and mute it. I don’t want you texting or scrolling. I made time for you, so don’t waste it being distracted by something that will still be there when I leave.

How do you determine if the person is worthy of a second date?

JG: If we had a genuine conversation during the majority of the time and we enjoyed each other’s company, then yes, I would consider another date. If I feel as though I was the only one really talking, and she was giving me “one word responses.” Then no, I would not consider another date, since we didn’t have an automatic click.

DM: There’s certainly a checklist; this is a science. I ask myself a series of questions. 1. Was I feeling him? 2. Do I think he is interested in me for the right reasons? 3. Did he treat me well? 4. How did he treat other people during the date? 5. Do I see this growing into something greater?

Any tips for the first date?

JG: Tip one: Be yourself. This is a time when you can meet someone new and possibly develop a strong friendship or relationship. Tip two: Be open to going to new places, restaurants, etc. Make it a good experience. Make your time together worthwhile. Tip three: Think about how the overall date went. I usually ask myself, after the date, “can I see myself with this person?” or “could this be a good friend?” 

DM: Tip one: Be authentic. This is the only way that you’ll really know if you guys are vibing. Tip two: Be in the moment. Don’t think about if you guys are going to get married, or if he’s the one.  On a particular first date I went on, the guy said to me, “We’ll never get this exact moment again, so just be here right now.” Tip three: Reflect on the date after it ends.  Consider whether or not he could be something you are looking for. Don’t pressure yourself into going on another date if you know it’s not for you. Being single is more valuable than being with somebody that is not meant for you.