I’m sure you all have seen on your Tik Tok feed or Instagram timeline those “couple goals” that originally met on dating apps and seems like it was love at first swipe. Something sparked in the conversation and when it came to finally meeting, there was nobody else but that person. This is what dating apps are meant for. Seeing people who may not see walking down the street. Now that they are popping up on the screen, it seems so easy with one swipe to find your person. I understand the attraction, and believe me I was once an avid user of multiple dating apps on my phone, sometimes all at once. However, over time I realized that that experience of dating was not meant for me.
It has been almost a year and I can honestly say that I don’t miss it.
Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, anything you can probably think of, I tried to experiment with and still nothing seemed to stick. Yeah, I’ve met some really great guys that I am still friends with till this day, and met some not great guys. To some of the best best dates I have ever been on to literally falling asleep at the table because ol’ boy and I had nothing in common. It was fun for the time being, but now that I am getting older it doesn’t seem real to me. Almost like a simulation or game that you play just because you’re bored and have nothing else to do. You swipe, match, flirt until the end of the day, and then poof nothing comes from it. You’d be lucky to carry the conversation to the following day.
I probably have had more bad experiences using any form of dating app than good. Although this isn’t a good thing, it has taught me how to draw a boundary in conversations. The reality is if you are bold enough to say these things to a stranger where all you know of them is their 5 photos, who knows what you’d say in person!
Starting off the conversation in a sexual manner has become a huge turn-off for me. When that happens, it creates a low set bar for the expectations of how the conversation is gonna go. Then, they always end the same with “let’s link” or “why don’t you come to my crib and chill” or even worse the unsolicited picture of his eggplant. I mean I understand if these apps are your form of getting a quickie with a stranger with no strings attached, but can we at least have a conversation first?! It just seems like apps become less of a form of dating and more of a game to check all our boxes for someone who looks good on paper.
To me it just seems like there are three kinds of guys on dating apps:
- Those who are actually looking for a serious relationship (which is probably 10%-which is being generous)
- Those looking for a one night stand, and not gonna lie the most transparent about it.
- Or, the one who wants everything to do in the relationship, without the committed of labels.
Either way, I have talked to them all and to be honest, these apps aren’t giving me the same rush that they use to. I am not knocking or judging anyone else that uses them because to be realistic this is the main way people are meeting one another. For a lot of people, they meet their forever person and end up in long lasting relationships. Maybe I didn’t try or stay on for too long, but I exhausted kissing too many frogs and wasting time on mediocre conversation to possibly meet my prince.
Since I’ve been off dating apps, it has improved my talking game when it comes to having a conversation in person. It helped me to build this mew confidence that I knew I always had, but too scared to let show. Being able to make the first move of an approach, a flirtatious glance, or initiating physical touch to show interest instead of continuously being a wallflower. It was scary at first and being that I consider myself an introverted extrovert it still is. Doing something is better than doing nothing, so why not take the leap and possibly stick the landing because more likely than not, it’ll work out.
I’m not saying I am never going to download a dating app ever again, but I can truly say I don’t see myself doing it in the near future. I am happy where I am at and how I have grown in the past year. Putting myself out there to make memories and genuine connections with people I meet in real life instead of hiding behind a screen.