Have you ever poured your heart out in a lengthy, yet carefully crafted text only to receive a “wym?” or some other insufficient response that does not even address half of the things you said? Or have you ever been stuck trying to read in between the lines of a text to figure out what the other person really meant? Let’s face it, we’ve all been there! Whether you’re in a relationship or navigating the murky, grey waters of the talking stage, communication (or lack thereof) can be an issue.
Things are very easily misconstrued through text, and while guys love talking about how difficult girls are to understand, they’re not exactly that easy to navigate either. So, in an attempt to get down to the bottom of things and separate what guys actually mean from the things they say, I sat down with two gentlemen to get the answers we deserve. And for you guys out there who are also finding yourselves having to do some decoding of your own, I may have some answers for you too.
What they say:
- “I’m busy.”
What we hear: “I don’t want to spend time with you,” or “I’m doing something else with someone else,” (a girl, probably).
When in the talking or dating stages of a relationship, it’s natural to want to spend ample quality time with your significant other. As women, we sometimes can’t understand how our significant others can’t make time for us because “you make time for the things you want,” right?
What they mean: “I’m just too busy to talk.”
The older we get, the busier we get. Sometimes we forget to consider the things that other people may have going on and develop a “what I want, when I want it” attitude.
- “I mean, we talk.”
What we hear: “We communicate on a day-to-day basis, but we’re not together,” or “He likes me, but we’re not all the way there yet.”
This one definitely sends mixed signals to girls because it is quite vague. We all have different interpretations of what the infamous talking stage is, so minimizing a situation to just “talking” can be confusing. Also, the stage of the “relationship” that this comment is made plays a part. For example, if said during the early stages, this statement may seem promising. However, if said upwards of 8 months in, then this statement could be concerning.
What they mean: “We are getting to know each other.”
“The talking stage is when we are getting to know each other, but it doesn’t mean that we are exclusive. You can ‘talk’ to or get to know multiple people at once, which is really what talking is.”
It seems as though guys take a more literal approach to what it means to be in the “talking” stage. While getting to know someone, it may be beneficial to lay out each other’s expectations once feelings have developed so that you both have a mutual understanding.
- “I’ll call you back.” (*never calls back*)
What we hear: Initially we hear, “I’ll call you back in, like, 10 minutes.”
What we actually hear is complete silence. Not saying that we’re sitting by our phones awaiting your calls, but you did say you’d call back.
What they mean: “I’m done with our conversation, and this is my nice way of saying goodbye without actually having to say it.”
While goodbye may seem definite, there are other ways to end a conversation without being misleading. For example, saying “I’ll talk to you later,” is not definitive like a goodbye, yet holds less promise than, “I’ll call you back.”
- “wym?”
What we hear: “I didn’t hear anything you just said and, to buy myself more time, I’m just going to act like I don’t get it”
What they mean: “I didn’t read the message,” or “I don’t want to say the wrong thing.”
Our interpretation and their definition seem to be closely matched. Not wanting to say the wrong thing is very nobel, however, putting forth the effort to address your significant other’s concerns will go a long way.
- “I’m not looking for a relationship”
What we hear: “I jUsT wAsTeD yOuR tImE,” or “I’m not ready right now.”
Depending how much time you’ve put into this budding relationship and how invested you are in this individual, this can be an intense dose of reality. We may be so caught up in our feelings for this individual that we cannot fathom how they could not be on the same page. We may also hear something like this and decide to be hopeful, telling ourselves that this person isn’t ready yet and eventually they could be. Either way, we have a tough decision to make regarding where we go from there.
What they mean: “I’m not looking for a relationship with you.”
“If a guy sees someone he wants, he will cuff her, but if he isn’t interested and just wants sex, then he will say that”
This definition may be blunt, but at least it is honest. Once again, it is important to discuss wants and expectations as soon as you are both ready to do so.
What we say:
Unfortunately, I couldn’t get the answers many of us crave without doing some decoding of my own. But fear not ladies, I didn’t give away too much.
- “That’s just my brother.”
What they hear: “I’m messing with him/we mess around,” or “He’s in the friend-zone.”
“But most likely the first part because I have been called brother by girls before. Smh.”
What we mean: It is very possible to have close, platonic friendships with people of the opposite sex. Physical attraction is not the only form of attraction, so it is very possible for your girl to look at her close guy-friend as a brother, even if he does not see her that way.
- “So, like — what are we?”
What they hear: “I like you too much, and want you to feel the same way.”
It seems as though asking this question this way gives guys the impression that we are at a level they have not yet reached. Perhaps a better way to phrase it is, “what do you want from this?”
What we mean: “What are we doing, and where is this going?”
I don’t know anyone who enjoys being led on. When a girl asks a question like this, it is her way of seeing where your head is and if she should continue to grace you with her presence.
- “I’m going to bed.”
What they hear: “I’m mad, and I’m not going to bed. I’m actually about to talk to someone else.”
If you are under the impression that she is mad, why not ask her just to be sure?
What we mean: This message could mean many things. 1) You made me mad, and I’m expecting a nice text in the morning. 2) You haven’t text me back and I’m letting you know that I’m not waiting up for you. 3) It’s kind of similar to saying I’m fine, but I’m really not.
- “So, what do you like about me?”
What they hear: “I want love and security.”
A compliment every now and then never hurt anyone. If you can tell that your significant other needs a little affection, why not show them?
What we mean: “What do you like about me?”
If a girl is asking you this, she probably just needs some reassurance and wants to know what is it about her that entices you, or is it only about sex or physical attraction?
- “But do you want me to come over?”
What they hear: “I want reassurance, and want you to submit by giving it to me so I can hold it over your head.”
They’re so funny.
What we mean: Asking a girl “you coming over” sounds like you’re asking because you made plans and want to know if you should cancel or not. When a girl asks whether or not you want her to come over, she’s reinforcing the difference between saying “Are you coming over?” and “I want you to come over.”
The Takeaway:
If there is anything to take away from this article, it’s the importance of effective communication. Texting is convenient, but it also leaves room for a lot of grey areas, something we don’t need more of in this era of dating. With that being said, one way to make sure that you are being understood is by saying what you mean. This way, there is little room for confusion and if they still don’t get it, simply tell them, “I said what I said.”