Whether or not we like to admit it, we all have had a type. Some of us have types we’re not even aware of, but our dating history says otherwise. Your “type” is the kind of person who has all the things you wish for in a boyfriend/girlfriend, whether it’s their height, level of education, complexion, hobbies, etc. I used to have a type that I swore by since high school, and would not give someone the actual time of day if they didn’t fit the list. During this phase, I talked to people who closely identified with the person I had built in my head through this list but they were always missing a few things. That was until my sophomore year of college when I met my type on paper in full form, and it didn’t go how you would think. While that relationship quickly ended, it taught me a lot about what I actually want out of a relationship and a significant other. Specifically, it taught me that it was time to let go of this “list”. Now you might be reading this like…” ain’t nothing wrong with my list. I know what I want,” but do you? I realized that I was closing myself off to so many people and opportunities abiding by this list I created back at the age of sixteen when I knew nothing. I’m here to tell you to rethink that list. Your type might be the one holding you back.
So to really understand this revelation I came to, we have to start back where this list was birthed. Highschool. If you were to ask any of my friends from high school, they would be able to recite my list to you off the top of their head because that’s how much I made it known. Our conversations often sounded like, “Now when I pop up married with my dark skin, tall, Christian (not about to go into detail) man… I don’t wanna hear nothing.” I was one of those people that HAD a type. If you were to compare all the boys I talked to since then, they would have way too many things in common, but none of them checked off every box and it didn’t strike me to take a closer look at this list and change some things.
Fast forward to my sophomore year of college, and the lord literally heard and answered my prayers. Coming out of nowhere when I least expected him, was the six-foot, dark-skin and everything else. I wasn’t able to notice all of this until I got to know him but when I tell y’all he was my type on paper, it was like God made this man in a build-a-bear workshop and sent him to me. I thought this was it for me. But then after a while of dating and getting to know each other, I realized that I had this list thing all wrong and that my type was really not my type.
It was like when you’ve been fantasizing something for so long and then when you finally get it, it’s not all you thought it was going to be. Looking back, my list described someone who looked good to me on paper and only on paper. Long story short, that person you created on your list might not actually be the right one for you.
After experiencing what my image of Mr.Right was, I had to go back to the drawing board and reevaluate some things. I ended up just deleting the whole list out of my memory, and have not created a new one since.
My advice to you is to get rid of the list because just because it looks right on paper, doesn’t mean it will be right for you in person. While I am still single, I feel like I have torn down this wall that was blocking me from not only a plethora of other men but meeting someone who I naturally and genuinely could possibly get along with and make me happy. Now, I’m so much more open to just getting to know people and going by the vibe I get when I am with them not trying to find this perfect person. I thank God for sending me “Mr. Right” to show me that I need to stop limiting myself by following a list and just date and get to know people because I might miss out on someone great.