Is the connection you formed over two weeks really that strong? Do all of the memories of the “good” times really outshine all of the bad? Is it easier to fall victim to your own delusions and imaginary expectations than confront reality? If you’re thinking about returning to your ex-lover, situationship, or even friend who has done you wrong in the past, consider these questions before you do so.
“Spinning the block” on somebody you used to be heavily involved with is not an old tactic. It is not uncommon to try to pursue someone time and time again, after initially making a mistake with them. Sometimes, it’s the best thing that can happen to a couple. NeNe Leakes of Real Housewives of Atlanta and her husband were divorced for two years before they remarried again, after he realized that their relationship was one worth fighting for. But, not everybody is NeNe and Gregg. Most of them are just trying to fill a void for a couple of hours.
In love (or lust), it can sometimes be so difficult to discern what is appropriate behavior. There is a fine line between lovers’ quarrels and blowout fights, toxic traits and normal characteristics, and genuine feelings or gaslighting and manipulation. When you become so enamored with someone, you often put on your rose-colored glasses and all of their red flags become pink – causing you to believe you are in a better place than you actually are.
When you finally realize that all of the arguments and negativity have become too much to handle, you decide to leave and pledge to never look back. Your friends convince you to go “no-contact,” and you vow to never stalk your ex’s social media ever again. It’s all going well and you’re sticking to the promise, until suddenly, you’re not. How did we end up back at square one?
I’m not a psychologist, but I can propose what I believe to be a very simple answer: nothing feels as good as what once was. The strongest, most positive feelings and emotions you had for that person are never going to fade. All of the thoughtful dates, bouquets, gifts, nice words, and empty promises to do better completely consume your mind, making it the only things you can remember. You loved/lusted/liked/tolerated that person for a reason, and the moments like that are what draw you back to remembering those reasons. So, you proceed to convince yourself that what once was can be again. And, you go back.
Although it’s easier said than done, you have to stand up! Deep down, every fiber of your being knows that you deserve better than what you’ve been put through, and that every “good” thing must come to an end. It’s not fair to yourself (or the people steering you in the right direction) to continue repeating old negative patterns. No matter the reason you’re deciding to unblock that caller and ignite an old flame, it will never end as well as it may have started. And, that’s perfectly okay. There are plenty of fish in the sea – ones that you can start completely fresh with.
So, next time you find yourself lying in bed, scrolling through Pinterest posts or TikTok videos of couples in love, perhaps feeling lonely or jealous, resist the urge to scroll through your contacts and send that text. Instead, close your eyes and come back to yourself. Think about why you left that situation in the first place, and know that there is so much more out for you than what you are allowing yourself to experience by going back. And, remember: spinning the block is only fun in a two-seater convertible with the top down on a sunny day.