This summer I held an internship for a residential advisor/ instructor position at a debate camp. This camp serviced law and debate classes to students ages 12-17 years-old for a 2-week period. I worked all 6 weeks and within those 6 weeks, we were stationed at three different colleges across the 50 states. This opportunity initially took me by surprise and made me really fine tune my purpose in life. It allowed me to come out my element and truly put my passion for law on the surface.
While doing that this opportunity also broke me mentally and emotionally. Here I am, teaching kids how to properly negate and affirm a case and in the same breath defending myself for being black. From being undermined to having rude snickering remarks made about me at lunch tables, this experience was like no other. I sometimes skipped out on meals because I wanted to avoid being uncomfortable.
I was even called the “n” word in a form of a joke and left out of the presentation at the end of the summer conference celebration.
This opportunity didn’t define who I was though, it won’t make me appear any better or any worse. This opportunity showed me what life is like beyond an HBCU, and what life is like with Trump in office. Most importantly, it showed me how things will be once I am in a courtroom trying to win a prosecution case.
I am entering one of the toughest fields for Black people, especially Black females. This was nothing but a scratch on the surface, a free trial, a debate run. Even though initially I was shocked and bust out in tears, I literally just examined everything and made it universal instead of personal. I’m not the first person who ever felt like this and I won’t be the last.
So to the ones out there who are prepared to be picture perfect before every interview, meeting or conference call. To the ones who avoid straightening their hair during the year because they are saving their potential heat damage for their corporate interviews, to the ones who put on “The Get Out” facial expressions during every encounter just to not be labeled as “ghetto, rude, or ignorant,” I salute you.
It’s hard enough being Black but it’s even harder having to pretend like you aren’t. Having to make sure you filter your slang and cover up your accent, that nothing is too tight or too revealing because your curves hug differently, to making sure not to overextend yourself just to come up short in the end.
Being black in America is one thing, being paid to eliminate the Black is another. Stand your ground and stay true to yourself, it’ll all pay off in the end.