A Completely Objective list of the 10 Hottest Presidents

1. John Quincy Adams (1825-1829): Get this. Adams was known to regularly skinny dip in the Potomac River. Just imagine this majestic man stripping down and swan diving into the icy DC waters. Hot.  

2. James Abram Garfield (1881-1881): Garfield was the first president to talk on the phone. He spoke to inventor of the telephone, Alexander Graham Bell. Apparently he asked Bell to “please speak a little more slowly”. I mean, this guy basically invented phone sex. That’s pretty hot. 

3. Theodore Roosevelt (1901-1909): Roosevelt was shot in the chest at close range during a campaign speech in Milwaulkee, Wisconsin. Despite having JUST BEEN SHOT IN THE CHEST, Roosevelt carried on with his speech, which was over an hour long. Need I say more? 

4. Millard Fillmore (1850-1853): Fillmore was the first president to have a running-water bathtub installed in the White House, which probably means he was the first truly clean president. Clean = sexy. Also, he straight up looks like Alec Baldwin. That’s hot. 

5. George W. Bush (2000-2008): Bush was the head cheerleader in high school, and everyone knows the head cheerleader is always the hottest one on campus. Also, that means that at one point, the US was totally a cheerocracy. 

6. James Buchanan (1857-1861): Buchanan would regularly purchased slaves in order to free them in his native Pennsylvania. Lame-duck? Sure, but that duck freed some slaves. That’s hot.

7. Abraham Lincoln (1861-1865): Now this one is pretty obvious. Tall, mysterious, fought to end slavery. But little known fact, he was also a licensed bartender and part owner of a saloon in Springfield, Illinois called Berry and Lincoln. Dark and stormy? More like tall, dark and handsome. 

8. John Tyler (1841-1845): Tyler had 15 children. Clearly he was the most virile president. And props to his first and second wives, who birthed eight and seven children respectively. My God. 

9. Calvin Coolidge (1923-1929): Coolidge was so silent and brooding that he was known as “Silent Cal”. Silence is myserious. And hot. 

10. Gerald Ford (1974-1977): Long before he was president, Ford received offers from two professional football teams, the Detroit Lions and the Green Bay Packers. I mean, this one is pretty obvious.