Dear 15 Year Old Me,
You are a freshman in high school now, wow. It is a big change being thrown into an environment with so many more people than you’re used to encountering on a daily basis and not having a connection with any of them. Unfortunately, your best friend from middle school decided to go to a school on the other side of the city, so she left you alone to fend for yourself as a hatchling in a flock of golden eagles. I know that you’re stressing yourself out by thinking that you’re the outcast in your small group of friends who are all in marching band while you chose to join theater, but I promise you, they will stay your friends throughout the next four years. And even though you’ll be completely separated from everyone you’ve ever known come college, those few friends will still linger in the back of your mind. Remind them often of how much they mean to you because there will come a time when you’re no longer able to do so.
Along those lines, don’t worry about not “going out” as often as everyone else does in high school. There is a difference between being antisocial and being independent. Trust me, you are so much better off in college because you were responsible and very conscious as a high school kid. Staying away from bad habits early has shaped you into the reliable young adult you are in college, so don’t fear your own mother’s scorn, appreciate her efforts to instill good values into you – you will come to appreciate them later.
Do come to realize, though, that high school only happens once and take advantage of the traditions that come along with the experience. Your last two years of high school will be full of highlights after you choose to become more involved and come out of your shell. Junior year will be extremely transformative for you and you will have one great friend to thank for pushing you to get contacts, do your hair and start filling in those eyebrows. Oh, how I wish she had taught you how to do that sooner. Appreciate her and everything that she did for you because not too long after, your lives will go down completely different paths and a lot of her choices won’t make sense to you until you are over 2,000 miles away. Just know that without her, you will not become the person you are today.
You will work so hard for a goal that you aren’t even dreaming of yet. You will soon have an English teacher who chooses to believe in your abilities more than you do and she, along with your whole class, will begin to root for you during your impossible quest to attend the greatest university in the world. They will all be there for you on the day that your life changes forever, so be sure to remind all of those teachers that saw something spark inside of you that they were influential in your journey. You will even feel like a celebrity for a while, but be prepared to encounter some people who will try to take that glory away from you. Please, please don’t let them into your head. Without knowing it, you will put all of your focus on molding yourself into such a desirable student and you deserve every bit of congratulations that you will get during your senior year. Believe your mom when she tells you that they are just jealous of the person that you are because those who put you down will not be worth your tears. No matter the lies that they try to come up with, know that you deserve everything you’ve worked so hard for. Your self worth is not determined by any outside force, so be kind to yourself even when others aren’t.
Speaking of college, be prepared to encounter a lifestyle that hits you by surprise because you have no idea what to expect when you make the decision to move to the opposite end of the country and never look back. I know that you will soon begin to think that you want to leave home so badly and that you feel trapped in your own house, unable to accomplish anything great, but I have to warn you about something that hit you harder than you will ever expect. Homesickness is not a myth and I think your case will be exceptionally hard because you will be completely unprepared for it. Above all, don’t let fear consume you as you enter the next chapter in your life because it will end up causing more harm than good. A little bit of fear is healthy, but too much just continues to take a toll on you as you age. The anxiety you experience in high school will only follow you to college, if not get worse. Do your best not to let it interfere with your new life as an adult because you need your mental capacity to be intact when making decisions.
Another thing to keep in mind is that just like in high school, you will not need to surround yourself with people to feel whole. The person who will be there for you more than anyone else won’t even be in Cambridge with you, and that’s okay. You won’t regret the times that you chose to go home instead of looking for opportunity elsewhere because you don’t need to stay away to be strong. Vulnerability is a characteristic that you won’t value until you are away from home, but don’t be afraid to ever ask for help or admit when you’re scared.
The next four years will be filled with extremely transformative experiences, some scary, some exhilarating, and some both. But remember to give yourself time to breathe. When you are so caught up in the world and everything that it throws at you, you will forget how important it is to let yourself recharge and that you do your best when your head is screwed on right. Learn early on how to deal with your worries and save yourself from future self doubt. That being said, everything is going to be okay, I promise. High school only comes around once, but it is only high school. You have the rest of your life ahead of yourself, so stop worrying about every little thing and stay focused on being the person you’ve always wanted to be. Everything happens for a reason and you did not end up at Harvard by accident, even though you will convince yourself that you don’t belong here on multiple occasions. Then again, everyone you meet at Harvard will tell themselves the same thing. Set your sights high because you will prove to everyone that there’s nothing you can’t accomplish. You will become a trailblazer, a role model, and someone that others are able to look up to. I am proud of the person you became, and I hope you will be too.
Love,
19 Year Old Me