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“The Cougar Complex”: Stigmas of Dating and Hooking Up at Haverford

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Haverford chapter.

 

        Haverford is known for its small student body. With 1,198 total undergraduates, Haverford students enjoy small class sizes, access to professors, and a tight-knit friendly atmosphere. However, when it comes to dating, the tiny Haverbubble can cause stigmas about “overlaps” and hooking up with someone younger. The small pool of dating prospects also divides the campus between the people in relationships and people who are ‘single and ready to mingle.’ This incestuous atmosphere especially affects women on campus, as there is a certain stigma attached to older girls hooking up with younger guys. Does the attitude towards the “Cougar Complex” depend on if the couple is just hooking up or in a relationship? And how do actual Haverford women feel about the stigma?

       Suzanna Preston, ’13, thinks there are definitely rules when it comes to hooking up with younger guys: “I think if it’s one grade apart and it’s not a freshman boy with a senior girl than its not a problem. But, if it’s a freshman and you’re an upperclassman then there is definitely a stigma.” Although she personally thinks it should be fine, Suzanna recognized that “in general people would see it as weird” to hookup with a younger grade.

With the very limited pool of eligible bachelors at Haverford is it too much to ask for girls to stick to their own age?

       Olivia Rauss, ’15, says that often it is the girls themselves who create the stigma, as “girls may put more pressure on themselves to not date freshman guys.”  In addition, this atmosphere can be frustrating because, “some girls feel kind of stuck because they if they don’t like anyone in their own grade and they are seniors, then they might feel reluctant to go younger.” In college guys are usually the ones rewarded for getting with girls, whether they are younger or older, but for girls their reputations seems to be much more at stake when dating younger.

      Although many girls feel the stigma of seniors hooking up with younger guys, the same rules do not seem to apply in relationships. One student thinks that it is acceptable for a senior girl to hook up with a freshman: “I think a lot of girls date younger guys and it’s pretty acceptable.” However, she also sees a reverse stigma for guys dating younger girls. She says, “I feel like if a senior boy was dating a younger girl than that would be a stigma.” Some people on campus might view an older guys dating a freshman girl as odd, however it seems that the boundaries are more flexible when it comes to Saturday night flings.

      From one guy’s perspective, Andriy Mshanetskyy, ’14, doesn’t think dating a freshman as a senior would work out anyway: “One or two years I can understand, but three seems like it would never work out because of the age difference.” Andriy says that he doesn’t think dating a freshman as a senior, whether the girl or guy is older, is a good idea since both people are at totally different points of their lives. However, for some senior girls, sticking to within one or two years can negatively limit their options. After all, not all people are looking for long-term relationships, and in that case, is it okay to just have a flirtatious fling for a few months with a younger guy?

       On the other hand, some girls don’t feel the outside pressure at all and ignore any stigma of hooking up. Caitlin Gallagher, ’15, responded to the question by saying, “Why not! It is not like in high school and creepy. In college everyone looks the same age so it doesn’t really matter.” At a school as small as Haverford maybe more people should prescribe to Caitlin’s outlook and try to break down the judgment placed on older girls dating younger guys. In a pool of just over a thousand people, with 54% women and 46% men, is it too much to ask for a little flexibility when it comes to the rules of hooking up and dating?

No matter what your stance is on the stigma of “cougars,” Suzanna, ’13, reminds us of the golden rule: “Full disclosure. You should tell people if you are younger than they expect.”

Charlotte Bax is a Junior at Haverford College and is majoring in History with double-minors in French and Film. She is originally from Santa Monica, California, but has also lived in San Francisco and currently resides in London with her family. Charlotte enjoys cooking, watching movies, going to sports games in Philadelphia. In addition, she enjoys traveling, surfing with her dog Cassie, and skiing during the winter in Solitude, Utah. After college, Charlotte hopes to start her own line of women's sports apparel.