There’s this one quote from Margaret Atwood’s “The Robber Bride” that invades my mind whenever I attempt to have a peaceful moment. It’s where she goes “Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? Up on a pedestal or down on your knees, it’s all a male fantasy…even pretending you aren’t catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy.” Atwood even goes on to say that women are all essentially their own voyeurs. I always wonder if we can ever escape the male gaze. Our oversexualized society tends to amplify the male gaze and exploit women as no more than mere sex objects. How can someone reclaim their sexuality WITHOUT feeding into male fantasies (if it’s even possible)? I’ve communicated briefly with Eleonora, a representative of The Porn Conversation to discuss this very topic!
First of all, as a lesbian, the fetishisation of my identity is a very serious issue to combat.”Lesbian” is one of the most commonly viewed pornographic categories, which is disturbing when it comes from a largely straight male audience. Additionally, this feeds into the sexual harassment and potential violence that many sapphics may face. However, let’s face it, nobody can ban pornographic material (no matter how much the Victorians tried). It’s been around since the dawn of time. So, what should we do?
According to Eleonora, there are multiple ways to combat fetishization. Ideally, ethical porn portraying the LGBTQ+ community should have input from that community. This can help shift from a cishet male lens. However, Eleonora also notes that consumers should also be mindful to consume porn from ethical sources (as in, not free online material). Additionally, consumers must also be educated of the impacts that porn may have on them, and be conscious of the media they are consuming (such as what stereotypes are shown).
I also really enjoyed how this collaboration helped bring insight on how we can help improve sex education courses. Aside from adding education about porn, Eleonora also believes that sex education courses should “not hyperfocus on penis in vagina sex, but also speak about all the other ways to have sex.” This can help for a multitude of reasons. For starters, it can promote LGBTQ+ inclusivity in sex education courses. Additionally, this shift in view on sex can also help showcase perspectives other than a male-gaze focus that treats women as objects.
Essentially, we can change the narrative on sex in order to break free from male fantasies and reclaim sexuality, whether your sexuality includes men or not. We must all work together and facilitate conversations and change in order to build a new future. I believe that we someday can and will prove Margaret Atwood wrong. We will act according to our own agency and eliminate the societal dominance of male fantasies. Atwood’s notion of the internal voyeur will have no choice but to die out. Let’s make it happen.