Growing up, heights terrified me. I remember being scared to ride the escalator. Climb to the top of a lighthouse? No way! Go on a roller coaster when I went to Disney World? Absolutely not. This all changed when I was 18 and I decided to do something way out of character. Bungee jump!
I was living in New Zealand at the time, in a small town called Timaru, working as an Au Pair. My friend Anna Sara and I decided to go on an adventure for our Christmas holiday. The night before we left to go, a wave of bravery had come over me and I thought it would be a good idea to book a last-minute bungee jump. Anna Sara was doing it, so why shouldn’t I? Yet, as I sat in the car, staring out at the rugged, painting-like mountains, I was wishing my ticket was refundable. I expressed my nervousness to Anna Sara. She reassured me it would all be fine, in her beautiful Swedish accent. More than fine even, epic. We were going to bungee jump off Kawarau Gorge Bridge.Â
After a grueling four-hour road trip, we pulled up to a gravel parking lot. Anna Sara jumped out the car, but I lingered a few seconds longer, cherishing the comfort of the warm sun wrapping itself around me. My thoughts drifted to unmentionable places. Anna Sara startled me with a tap on the window. Her muffled voice was telling me to hurry up and get out. I reluctantly stepped out of the car and fear instantly engulfed me. My scrawny white hands shook as I went to slam the door closed and butterflies filled my stomach. As we walked into the check-in building, we were greeted with smiles and cheeky New Zealand greetings. “You alright?” asked one of the workers; this helped ease my mind…just a little.
Since we had some time before it was our turn to jump, we headed to the outdoor viewing area to watch others take the leap. Far down below was deep turquoise water flowing downstream in between rugged rock mountains. The dark brown suspension bridge stood out against the rocky grey background. The shrieks of the jumpers echoed in the valley, amplifying my anxiety and leaving me more nervous as the time moved on.
I checked the time. It was our turn. Anna Sara excitedly grabbed my hand and started speed walking towards the line. As we stood in line, my mind raced with the worst possible scenarios. A voice brought me back to reality, calling me forward. It was my turn. Fear seized my whole body and I panicked. My hands started to get clammy and sweat beaded down my forehead. As one of the workers wrapped my ankles with the harness, I felt my knees give out. I held onto the railing for dear life. I waddled like a penguin to the edge of the plank and looked down. I could vaguely hear the guide giving instructions, but all I could focus on was how high up I was. My stomach started twisting and I could feel the large pancake breakfast I had just a few hours earlier, make its way back up. I took a deep breath and swallowed it back down.Â
I heard someone shout “JUMP” from behind me, so I sprung off the plank into the air. I free fell for a few moments and felt my stomach twisting and turning as a rush of adrenaline flew through me. The blood started rushing to my head as I hung upside down, swinging back and forth with the river water spraying up against my face. I had conquered the jump. When I was greeted by the staff below, all the fear that had been eating away at my insides disappeared. I have never experienced such a high before. After they made sure I was safe and they unstrapped my harness, I hopped off the boat and giddily made my way up the steep hill into the building. When Anna Sara met me at the top, we both grinned at each other and laughed.
In that moment I had beat my lifelong fear of heights. I now love roller coasters, I have jumped out of a plane a handful of times, and absolutely love hiking tall mountains. This experience made me realize fear is all in your head and facing your fears is the best way to conquer them.