In four short weeks I will be entering my last week of finals and I can’t quite wrap my head around that. I have been looking forward to this for a while but it came a bit faster than I expected. I feel weird. I feel really, really weird. No one really talks about the fears of after graduation and it’s all becoming very real. There are quite a few things running through my mind that I would like to talk about.
- I am not ready to not be a college student
- College is fun, a baby step into adulthood but it’s not as serious yet.
- College is what we were raised to conquer.. now what? I have my piece of paper, I did the thing, right?
- I want the two and a half years back that the pandemic took from us
- I just have this feeling where I have completely been robbed of the last two and a half years and it makes me want it back.
- I was walking around my boyfriends campus the other day and I am envious that he has one more year to live in simplicity and fun. I want to be him.
- I have never worked a full time job
- Will I survive?
- Will I have time for ME?
- Will I get “the job” I have been dreaming of?
- I barely have experience in my field
- Will they want to hire me?
- Will I pass my coding interview?
- Will I even be able to code??? I feel like I don’t know enough!!
- I feel so young
- I feel like I still have so much to do in college.
- I feel like I could pick up and start a new thing right now, but will that just detour me from starting a career?
- Am I going to be working to live or living to work?
- I feel old
- I feel too old at this phase in life.
- School has been my identity for the past 18 years
- How will I transition? Be relieved or have an identity crisis?
- I think I will be okay.
- Where do I move next?
- Do I move where my boyfriend lives or do I stay home and save money?
- This ties in with losing the years to the pandemic.. I want to have fun in a new city! But will I be able to afford cost of living?
I have been sitting for the past couple weeks with all of this flying through my head and it sent me into a funk. I know that everything I said was short, but I have no other words to put it. I believe I am having a hard time accepting these thoughts/facts where I can’t elaborate anymore than I have. I wish I could stay 22 forever and just be young but successful. This is a lot to be going through my head. What I tell myself is that I can control some of this and I can’t control a lot of it. I just need to keep moving forward as the next chapter starts. If you feel the same way I do, you are not alone. It will be okay.