Anyone with a good relationship with their cousin will understand why I am my cousin’s biggest fan. Let me give you some background on her. She is the coolest person ever. She is wise, she is kind, she has done it all. The first word everyone uses to describe her is ‘bubbly’ (which understandably, she hates, because this implies that the moment she isn’t ‘bubbly’ she is no longer herself, which is a dangerous misconception because people are allowed to feel and behave any way they want). She’s salt-of-the-earth, warm and wise. With a decade of life experience more than me, she had a lot of advice to give me during my formative years, which I have adopted in my daily life, and, honestly, it has improved my life in a countless number of ways. At the age of 32, she’s married to the love of her life, has the coolest lil 6-month-old, has just started building a successful career in the field she WANTS to be in (after quitting her stable 9-5 because as it turns out her heart lay elsewhere) and is officially the funniest cousin in the family (this attribute is the most important). She could honestly replace Trevor Noah at a comedy show and I doubt anyone would notice. Although her husband looks more like Trevor Noah than her. Anyways, I digress.
Anyone that knows me knows I am her biggest fan. I will choose hanging out with her over hanging out with most of my friends who are my age, not only because I find myself in stitches of laughter every time I’m around her but because I learn a lot from her. She’s lived a good life. So, because very few people have a big cousin to give them some guidance when they need it most, I’m here to share some of my cousin’s pearls of wisdom with anyone who needs it. I must declare a warning – you may become a better person after considering these.
- Sometimes, you just need to think about exactly what you feel like doing. Do the exact opposite.
She was telling us this on our way home from a blisteringly hot and hilly 12km run. We’d just run along the coastline to check off one of the runs on our half-marathon training program, and she shared this sentiment with us after we’d finished. None of us wanted to go on that run. But we did. Doing the opposite of what you feel like doing in the moment (within reason of course) will sometimes be better for you. Don’t feel like going out and socializing? If you REALLY don’t want to, don’t push yourself. But if you know it’s going to be better for you at the end of the day, put on your shoes and head out the door. If you are upset in a situation and want to react with anger, do the opposite and react with kindness.
- Anger is the tip of the iceberg. It always conceals other emotions.
When someone lashes out with anger, take some time before you respond. Think about why this person is angry – does it have anything to do with you, or are they angry about something else? Is this anger concealing a horde of other emotions that need to be addressed before this person can interact with you? Anger is the first emotion to reveal itself most of the time and can be elicited very quickly. Consider if you are letting it rule the rest of your emotions and don’t let pent-up emotions let you treat people badly. Focus on what you are really feeling, anger is the product of many emotions. Are you jealous? Humiliated? Why do you feel that way? Check yourself.
- Your purpose in life is seasonal.
Every ‘chapter’ of my life seems to beg the same question, ‘what is my purpose?’. I think in high school, my purpose was to do as best as I could in all my endeavours and have as much fun as possible. I think the same goes for my university experience. This is different for everyone. I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have a grand purpose, for example a lot of people believe they were put on this earth to be a doctor or to make music. Which is not a bad thing, but sometimes if you don’t achieve said purpose, you can feel demotivated and embarrassed. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself, the purpose of your life is decided by you and you only, and changes as you get older and discover more about yourself and the world around you. There will be different paces at different times in your life. Sometimes things will feel stagnant, slow, boring. Sometimes they’ll feel overwhelmingly fast. Some chapters in life are temporary. Be aware of this.
- Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.
This one speaks for itself.
- People will remember how you made them FEEL.
Be kind and compassionate.