With all the recent talk and gossip about Ebola, it’s easy for one to get carried away with dramatic thoughts of the future, especially when headlines like “Ebola Man Wakes From the Dead,” and “Ebolapocalypse,” surface from fake news sources. While Ebola is no joke, it is imperative to know that the disease is “spread through direct contact with blood and body fluids of a person infected by and already showing symptoms of Ebola. Ebola is not spread through the air, water, food, or mosquitoes,” according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
In any case, should an Ebolapocalypse actually occur, Hawaii is one of the last states you’d want to be in, according to an actual study done by estately.com. Check out the statistics below:
As you can see, Hawaii comes in 28th amongst the 51 states, not terrible (at least we’re not Jersey), but not great either. In the event of World War Z, here are some steps to take that will help your chances of survival:
1) Move close to the ocean.
Not only will you have a superb view of Hawaii’s crystal clear waters, but you’ll be much safer than those living high up in the mountains. Think about it, if the zombies are climbing up to you and you’re at the top of St. Louis Heights, you’ve really nowhere else to go. BUT, if you’re at ocean level, all you need is a weapon and a clear view of your surroundings, and you’re good to go. Plus, if all else fails, you can kayak (or swim if desperate) out of there.
2) Establish a militia.
Get together with your ocean-view neighbors and learn how to (literally) F-S-U. A group of able-bodied individuals is better than one. A big plus if somebody knows any form of fighting, i.e., martial arts, kickboxing, jiu-jitsu. If they can teach it, you can learn it.
3) Raid Foodland of all its Spam.
You’re going to get hungry and multiple trips to the store are out of the question, so your best course of action is to find your nearest Foodland and raid it of all non-perishable items. The most important being Spam, because you WILL miss it when it’s gone. Also, stock up on water in case the water supply gets infected. If you run out of water, you can desalinate.
4) Stay active.
According to the esately.com study, states with a higher obesity rate were less likely to survive a zombie takeover. Thus being said, go for a run today, and tomorrow, and everyday for the rest of your life. Not only will working out increase your endurance and speed, you’ll feel healthier, have stronger joints, and have a better immune system. A better immune system means a lower chance of catching a virus or ZOMBIE DISEASE. So work out.
5) Start honing your laser tag, paintball, and LARPing skills.
If you’re a skilled LARPer, you’re a skilled swordsman, and if you become lethal in both paintballing and laser tag, you’ll be one sharp-shooter. Remember that kid that was ALWAYS at your local laser tag establishment that you tried to avoid by hiding out in a dark corner, yet he managed to find you and never placed lower than 1st? Of course you do. Be that kid. Be the savior of Hawaii’s Ebolapocalypse.
6) Zombie 411.
Know your zombie. Smell your zombie. Be your zombie (without actually being a zombie, jahfeel?). States with a higher knowledge of these deadly creatures are more likely to survive, like Arizona, home of the Department of Zombie Defense. Unfortunately, Hawaii doesn’t have this department yet, but you can start with Max Brooks’ The Zombie Survival Guide. This book gives a detailed description of zombie physiology and behavior, which will help when your time comes to destroy the undead.
7) Rule #32: Enjoy the little things.
Life is short. Enough said.