Holly Bourne’s novel Am I normal yet? (2015) tells the story of Evelyn, or Evie, a sixteen-year-old girl who just wants to be “like everybody else”, despite her struggle with OCD (obsessive-compulsive syndrome). After a few years of staying at home or at an institution for much of her time Evie has started going to a new college where only a few people know her as “that girl who went nuts”, and she’s determined to do things other people her age do: go to school, see friends, go to parties – and start dating.
Evie’s story, told from her perspective in a first-person narrative, has a feminist take on issues related to mental health, relationships and self-esteem. Bourne writes with sharp wit and vibrant humour, while making Evelyn’s anxieties, fears, and heartbreaks, too, feel very real and tangible to the reader. With the help of her new friends Amber and Lottie, her little sister Rose and her therapist Sarah, Evie tries to navigate the dating field while keeping her OCD a secret.
Feelings of guilt, abnormality and weakness – the stigma of mental disorders
What keeps Evie from letting anyone know about her OCD is the fear of abandonment and being labelled a “freak”. She doesn’t trust anyone to understand, not even her good friends Amber and Lottie – especially not after what happened with Jane, who used to be her best friend, but now gives all her attention to her new boyfriend Joel. Evie also feels immense guilt for the concern and trouble her family has to go through to help and support her, especially when it comes to her sister Rose.
Evie’s guilt and fear are indicators of the stigma on mental disorders: people who suffer from them are weaker than others because they “can’t get a grip”, they are somehow abnormal, and their disorders don’t need to be taken as seriously as physical illnesses. For example, Evie is fed up with hearing words like OCD, depression, schizophrenic etc. being casually used in conversations that have nothing to do with actual mental disorders. Evie is critical of these damaging ideas about mental health, but she is also subject to their harmful effects, and she has to some extent internalized them – as a result, she not only worries about other people’s reactions, but also finds it very hard to accept herself. In Evie’s voice, Bourne’s writing gives a lot of insight into these inner struggles.
“The Spinster Club” – working towards gender equality
Evie, Amber and Lottie start a “Spinster Club”, and in the club’s meetings the three of them discuss a variety of things related to gender equality. Their conversations are very insightful, perhaps exceptionally insightful given their age. Their thoughts and experiences about boys’ expectations of girls and how girls should behave are shrewd and to a large extent recognisable, but the novel’s view of teenage boys is perhaps too narrow, as many boys are much more capable of respecting their partners’ feelings and wishes than the boys in the novel. Also, the novel has a very heterosexual take on relationships and gender equality, and I thought that more LGBTQ+ visibility could have significantly widened the novel’s take on gender issues, and made it more accessible and relatable to other than straight cis readers.
Nonetheless, Evie and her friends’ discussions on gender and relationships are very perceptive and thought provoking, which makes the novel a fresh deviation from books about simple teenage romantic drama, and the novel’s insightfulness and wit make it suitable for both teens and adults. I read the Finnish translation of the novel (Oonko ihan normaali?, translated by Kristiina Vaara), and found it very enjoyable to read, because I felt that the style and vocabulary captured the spirit of a witty and smart teenage girl. All in all, this novel was the best book I’ve read in ages, as I really didn’t want to put it down.