This Sunday I’m turning 20. The end of my teenage years is upon me, and as I inch closer to my birthday, I’ve found myself feeling an impending sense of doom. The truth is, when I was younger I always figured I’d have myself more together by now. Yes, I’m in college, I’m doing well in classes and I’m involved in clubs, but I’m not famous, I haven’t started some revolutionary new trend and I don’t really know what I want to do with my life.
It seems these days with the rise of “influencer” and “grind” culture that the clock starts ticking on your profitability the second you’re born. We’re the first generation of kids that grew up watching YouTubers. These people were all in their late teens to early twenties creating an entire life path for themselves from scratch and making heaps of money just from sitting at home and recording themselves talking to a camera. Book deals were made, live tours scheduled and songs recorded all before a YouTuber’s 25th birthday.
Watching all of this unfold warped my sense of time. Without even noticing, I began to expect things of myself that were completely unattainable. Why didn’t I have 100k subscribers before I was 16? I was failing. I began to think of success as solely based on my social influence and monetary income. And with each new social media that arrived, I felt another opportunity slip from my grip. The age of success seemed to get younger and younger, and I was getting older and older.
Even if you have no desire to be an influencer, the constant onslaught of images of rich people in their twenties can make it feel like there is no hope for you if you’re not already rolling in cash by the end of your teens. For me, I’ve realized this was the case. I don’t really even want to be famous, but my lack of impact on the world felt like a pressing issue. Without even noticing, we’re being pushed the idea that success is based on social power and wealth, and with so many young faces constantly in the media, it can feel like that success has a time limit. In reality, there is still so much of our lives ahead of us, and so many more ways to gain “success”. Famous singers win Grammys in their 30s, directors earn Oscars into their 70s, there is no clock ticking but the one in your own head.
Success isn’t something that should be defined by money or influence. Success should be defined by you and only you. So maybe I’m not going to be famous at the age of 20. But I’ve overcome significant mental health struggles, I’m working a part-time job while earning good grades and I have a solid group of friends. And to me, that’s success.