Dear Women Everywhere,
A few weeks ago I experienced a moment of pure bliss.
My windows were open and my Tiffany Blue Crosley was filling my room with the melodic notes of Hobo Johnson.
I started to cry.
It wasn’t out of sadness, or loneliness or pain. The tears were of pure and unadulterated happiness — one that I had not felt in a very long time.
For a year and a half, I tried to fly through something so incredibly toxic that I question how I could ever allow myself to be put through a situation like that. I tried to see the good qualities and look for better days. I hid my pain and suffering (as best as I could) from friends and family members, thinking that if they told me how amazing the relationship looked from the outside, then maybe I could get the early stages of the honeymoon phase back.
I have never been so wrong in my entire life.
Every small thing that brought me joy was bad for me to enjoy, and every little thing that I asked out of the relationship was absolutely impossible to bring, including opening the blinds on a sunny day and playing my favorite music from my favorite vinyl player.
In the time that I have spent out of this relationship, all I have been experiencing is this never-ending joy. For the longest time, I thought it was impossible to feel this happy.
I have had to pull myself out of toxic spaces more times than I can count.
I had to leave my home town, a place where I felt I couldn’t reach my full potential. I had to move to a brand new city, four hours away from my family, who have been my number one supporters since the moment I was born.
I had to cut friends out of my life who I thought I could trust with everything in me. I thought these friends were “my people,” but since cutting them out, I have found out who my real people are, knowing what qualities they bring to my life that make me feel like I am in a safe place.
The aforementioned relationship? It was a year and a half of my life that I don’t wish to have back. It strengthened me as a person. For every negative thing that happened during it, I learned more and more about who I was.
For every negative space I have ever been in, I have learned so much more about myself than I could ever imagine. The truth is, I would never have learned these things about myself had I not left the situations. I would never have learned how independent, determined and strong I truly am.
I would have never learned how to overcome the challenges of living in a brand new city and navigating my way through other people’s lives to figure out what qualities I look for in others.
The point of this is not to say that toxicity is good to have in your life. The point is that leaving a toxic situation will give you so much power that you never knew you had. These situations mold us into who we are. The toxicity leaves cracks in us that let the light shine through so our happiness and love can radiate out into the world. Leaving the negative feelings bottled up and staying in those situations only causes us to hide the positive emotions from ourselves and others.
Iron sharpens iron, and similarly, toxic situations makes us who we are.
So, to any woman who is in a relationship that is toxic and bringing you down, I promise you that you have the power to walk away from it. You might not see it now, but the moment you take that first leap, you will see and feel the changes within yourself.
Aside from feeling happiness and joy, I have loved myself beyond belief. I have been confident in my intelligence, and courageous in my strength. I was searching for all of the qualities that I have always possessed inside of me. It was the toxicity in my life that shielded me from seeing it.
You have it in you. You have the confidence, the strength, the intelligence, the kindness, and most of all, you have all of the love that you need for yourself and for this world sitting dormant in your soul, just waiting to be released. Everything you need is within you.
Leaving negativity and toxicity is the hardest thing to do. It breaks you down, it makes you feel weak and powerless. But you aren’t. You are the author of your own story, and you are the only person who gets to choose who writes it. Not a toxic boyfriend, not a toxic town and not a toxic friend.
If you do one thing for yourself this year, I beg you to leave the toxicity behind.
All the best,
Gabby