If there is anything Taylor Swift taught us, it’s you can get a hefty paycheck, from a heartbreak. With that being said, I believe using a creative outlet to express such emotions is healthy and therapeutic while in this stressful state. But heartbreak comes in multiple shapes and sizes. It might not just be the loss of a romantic relationship, but the breakup of a friendship as well. Friendships can flourish in college, while others diminish slowly. Mine just so happened to explode with bad blood anger. So I have taken it upon myself to write a letter to my ex-best friends, releasing all my anger, frustration, and sadness, just like Taylor does with her songs. And I suggest the rest of you do the same.
Dear Ex-Best Friends,
I’m sorry if you thought I no longer cared. I guess answering your texts, and listening to you vent all the time was not enough. It really was not nice of you to talk about my business and constantly talk about me to others, but I guess keeping your secrets did not prove my loyalty. I’m sorry I didn’t have as much time to spend with you. I guess you could not understand the busy schedule of work, class, and commuting. I’m sorry I had a boyfriend.
Actually, I’m not. Actually I’m not sorry about any of that. I’m not sorry for finally doing things for myself and standing up for myself. I’m not going to apologize for growing a backbone. I’m not sorry for calling you girls out on acting fake and dramatic. I’m not sorry for being myself.
The thing is, everything was fine and dandy, you might even say perfect freshmen year. I thought you girls would be my bridesmaids, my neighbors, my best friends for life. But our relationship expired after just one year, and boy was I wrong. Maybe it was the newness of college, and the fear of being left alone that made everyone so nice to each other. Maybe it was the wild nights we experienced, and the idea that we were independent, without our parents telling us not to drink, and what time to come home. Or maybe it was the nights we were there to comfort each other when he broke your heart, or the morning after when you texted us you lost your virginity. Maybe it was all hype. Maybe we never really, truly, ultimately knew each other. Maybe I was very wrong.
At least that’s what I’ve come to believe. It’s honestly the only thing I can think of. How well do you know someone if you can’t trust that they care even though they’re busy, and stressed, and having a rough time? What do you really think of someone if you assume that they’ve changed, when they’re just being honest?
I don’t wish anything bad on you. And I certainly don’t regret meeting you girls. I don’t regret the countless memories you gave me, and the wonderful freshmen year I had. But I do regret letting things go. I regret letting you assume I was just a doormat, and not being completely honest with the times you frustrated me. But maybe that was better. Maybe it was nice I felt at peace at the time, and nicer that I feel even more at peace now, rid of the negative energy you inflicted on me.
All I’m trying to say is, you guys hurt me, you guys walked over boundaries with me, and I let that happen. And I cannot even begin to describe the frustration I have with your refusal to see my side of things. But I guess that’s life, and I guess that’s how it will always be. You will move on, and grow, with the thought that I changed, and didn’t care, and was a bitch. And there is nothing I can do about it, but breathe in deeply, and let it go. So thanks for the memories girls.
Sincerely,
Apparently Someone You Use to Know
If you have recently broken up with a friend, or a group of friends, remember that life goes on. Missing them is inevitable and feeling angry is natural. Sometimes people are meant to be in your life for limited time, and that’s okay. You are not alone, and you will find the right people to surround you. It is important to remember the good memories, to still appreciate the joyful times. You have learned a valuable lesson about yourself and you what you want in a friendship. Take care of yourself.