1. The Athlete:This person will stroll in with their pack of teammates and simultaneously overtake “their” set table. They will then proceed to the main meal, most likely wearing their oversized black jacket, where they will take two plates on the chicken parm and leave us mere mortals with the sad looking last piece of chicken.
2. The Girl(s) Coming from the Gym:This person strategically chose to go to Hart at 4:30, so they could waltz down to Kimball in time for the 6pm rush. By doing this, everyone will think they’re super athletic and fit and maybe even on a sports team (yess!)
3. The People That Have Been There For Two Hours:This group is likely to be sitting on the right side with either a prime view of Sis so they can see who is swiping in or by the cereal station, so they can have a panoramic view of the whole dining venue and everyone in it. You’ll hear them talking about anything from their calc exam to that one time at Varsity to even their 6th grade crushes. (Andrew, was it?)
4. That Guy with 3 Hamburgers, 2 Slices of Pizza, a Bowl of Cereal, and a Banana (For Lunch):We’ve all seen him and we all envy him. He’s there having the time of his life, while you’re sulking into your turkey sandwich.
5. The People in the Stir Fry Line:A curious bunch who has great stamina and drive. Though you may scuff at them in line while you breeze pass them on your way to get your wrap, in the long run, they actually have the best of both worlds as they get to scan the room for friends, old friends, hookups, loved ones, and ex’s while still being rewarded with a hot and delicious bowl of rice/noodles. (ha!)
6. The Person Who is Waiting for Their Friend(s):This individual can be seen waiting from 2 minutes to 30 minutes depending on the friends’ whereabouts. At first they’ll be seen scrolling through fb or insta, but gradually, they’ll resort to their email and then to (fake) texting. It only goes downhill from here. (If you see this person, please try to make friendly conversation to ease the tension/tears)
7. The Left Side Crew:A mysterious type of person that likes to remain under the radar. Not much is known about them, which makes them that much more desirable. Maybe we all should reconsider our right side placement, as these people are actually closer to the yogurt and salad bar as well as the chip bowl. Priorities, amirite?