You know who you are. People think you’re scary, and mean, and just a betch. Hey, maybe you are, I’m not judging; but, it’s all a consequence of the infamous “betch face.” Your stare is harsh, your expression is minimal, your candids contain an eye roll, and your smile is AWOL, you’ve got a chronic betch face. TRUST ME, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. So what if people think you’re a cold and heartless witch? If you ask me that’s better than being a spineless and weak pushover. So, keep those lips pursed, don’t crack a smile, and read about all the benefits your betch face gives ya.
1) No one ever stole your crayons in Kindergarten.
2) You owned the sand box.
3) People don’t ask you for directions.
4) You never have to loan out a pencil.
5) Your teacher never randomly calls on you.
6) No one volunteers you for anything.
7) No one ever asks you to go with them to the bathroom.
8) People don’t take your turkey burger in Kimball, even if they ordered before you.
9) Everyone assumes you’re doing something super important because that’s just how you walk.
10) You probably only wear black, and that rocks.
11) No store employees ask if you need help.
12) No one expects you to remember their birthday.
13) You won’t get pushed at a party.
14) People assume you have some type of power since your stare can kill.
15) No one expects you to be kind or generous in any way.
16) It’s expected that you will, and should, take the last of anything.
17) People working kiosks in the mall never approach you.
18) No one has ever tried to fight you, physically or verbally.
19) Your group of friends is forever protected because everyone is afraid of you.
20) Your smile, in its rarity goes a long way.
21) Same goes for saying anything remotely nice.
22) No one uncomfortable sits close to you in the movies or any public setting for that matter.
23) You never look intoxicated; your betch face suppresses that.
24) People move out of the way when you’re walking towards them.
25) Unwelcomed love interests think twice about approaching you.
26) You’re a champion of the passive-aggressive.
27) All your friends seek advice in their times of revenge.
28) No one cries to you about the stupid things they did at Leitrim’s.
29) You successfully avoid small talk with that girl in your Stats class at an off campus party.
30) Boys don’t break your heart (you break theirs ;)).
31) Wrinkles? Not going to be a problem.
32) You find genuine friends, the ones who stick around even with the betch face.
33) 11 year old Girl Scouts don’t ask you for donations in the mall.
34) No one would ever ask you for a taste, bite, sip, or any form of sharing.
35) You’re that much closer to being Blair Waldorf.