Developing a Sense of Self in College: Individualism in a Community

As I reflect on my experience so far here at Holy Cross, the connections and relationships I have made are undoubtedly what comes to mind first. Friends, my boyfriend, classmates, roommates, hallmates, study buddies, fellow club members, professor/faculty relationships- all of these connections and more have helped me establish roots on the Hill. However, as my sophomore year has progressed, I have realized that my sense of self can be, at times, exclusively wrapped up in my relations to others, and what purpose I can serve for them. 

All throughout high school, my identity was focused around excelling in my academics, athletics, leadership positions, and service efforts, in order to propel myself toward my dream of attending Holy Cross. Upon arrival to the Hill last August, this presented the dilemma, well, what now? I had a perfectly clean slate– I could be anyone I wanted. This led me to indulge in the classic freshman exploits that I cringe at now, but are a necessary part of habituating to campus. These exploits, silly as they seem now, helped me create the closest friendships and relationships I hold today. 

As time went on, I noticed myself falling into unhealthy patterns of defining myself solely in terms of my relationships– “her best friend” or “his girlfriend.” I based how I thought of myself on my self-perceived effectiveness in these relationships. This led to a spiraling pattern of self-doubt and anxious tendencies, and these insecurities manifested themselves in my relationships. This heightened period of insecurity and inner turmoil reached its peak, and I knew this year I had to make a change. 

This semester, I have tried to delve more into further individual interests and join new clubs on my own. I feel a big part of my freshman year was only joining clubs or groups that my friends were also joining-which is a natural part of a first year on any campus. However, I have now learned I can do things alone, and that’s ok! 

For example, this year I have joined the Campus Activities Board as their Treasurer, and I have been able to create campus events and experiences I am proud of, which boosts my self-confidence greatly. I have also begun attending yoga classes at the Jo twice a week, and have officially begun my yoga instructor certification program. Yoga has always alleviated my anxiety and brought me a sense of calm and control, and progressing in my practice has also boosted my self-confidence. With each new pose accomplished that I never imagined I would be able to do, whether it be crow or bird of paradise, I feel an extreme boost in how I view myself. I am becoming involved in and accomplishing things solely for myself, which has only made my relationships stronger.

 I am lucky enough to have loved ones in my life on campus who encourage my independence and growth as an individual, and who are my biggest cheerleaders for anything I accomplish. My increased sense of self-confidence and pride has enriched my social bonds, and I am excited to continue this journey of developing my new sense of self. 

To anyone who may relate to this struggle, remember that yourself is worth investing in! Cultivate interests that bring you joy, go out of your comfort zone, and you will see the benefits in so many aspects of your life here on campus and beyond.

Remember to smile! :)